༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
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2020-12-21 04:59:07 (UTC)

First Time

I’ve been up since 1am.
Did some cleaning.
Did some organizing.
Did some rearranging.

I’m so used to be up this time of morning, 4am, to make his lunch and have hot coffee for him.
He still, has not contacted either me nor my son.
I cried off and on, trying to figure out what I did wrong.
I realized,
I gave him the option.
I never asked, demanded, requested, ordered etc for him to leave.
I simply said...
Figure out what you want because this 4 day silent treatment is not working for me.
He didn’t say a word other than
I will grab Shelby and my things and go.
I tried as he packed to explain all I wanted was communication, this silent treatment was not good for either of us.
But, he is gone.
February would have been a year.
It’s ok tho.

I actually, for the first time in 4 months or better, laughed, danced, have a little energy, and got to laugh and enjoy the company of my son.
It feels great.
Like a darkness has been lifted off of me.

I do miss the good man I met, the one who was happy to see me, held me, helped me, had positive words, etc.....somewhere, that man went to a dark place, and I was drug in, not realizing.

I pray he finds peace.
I pray, his heart truly realizes what he has lost.
I pray, he asks for forgiveness.

I miss the hell outa the man I met. Was a good man. He still is, just struggling, and never did communicate with me on what’s going on, and until he does, he won’t get better.

I’m trying hard to better myself. I want to heal. I want to blossom. I want to know who I am, the beauty hidden inside from all the trauma that lurks and lingers.
I can’t when I’m being drug down...not supported.

(Deep Sigh)

I did, struggle off and on after an hour or so of his leaving. I reached out, made phone calls....
Rolly Polly was first. She was upset more for my son, but glad he was gone.
DD2 was next. Talked for a bit. Felt good.
DD1 was next.....sent a text he was busy, and never called back.
River man was next....we actually had our first phone call after 10 1/2 months of texting. A spiritual man, and he, is a sweetie, and found a puppy for my son. To help with the loss of Shelby who my soon took care of for 4 months or better. My son is autistic, and got very attached to the dog. 6 pound chihuahua. I spoiled her as well. But, it’s ok. I pray this new little pup will make his home here.

So a lot of changes. Good changes.

I’m going to make coffee.

Tomorrow is my sons 13th birthday. I’m excited. I will make it a great day for him.

Till next time....

Thank you M for the kind words and support. Much needed. ‘Kiss’
DD2, Thank you for not abandoning me through the months of my silence. You are and always will be my family.

~Love, Pinky~


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