Grace

Smells Like Adult Spirit (But Not Really)
2020-12-21 07:03:00 (UTC)

curse of the brain

i don't know why someone or something would curse someone with this sort of brain. i sit here the same way i have since i was a child. im in the same fucking room. im within these same fucking four walls. the same warm tears puddle under my eyes. my brain just hurts and hurts and hurts. its this dull aching pain and a pulling. every thought is painful. every thought is negative. it is horrid. it is so so so fucking horrid. i feel like everyone and everything hates me. nothing is real. everything hurts so bad. i just want it all to end. i can't fucking take this anymore. i can't live like this. it's never gotten better. never. not once have i felt free from this prison. i don't know how people live with this. i don't know how to deal with it. my anxiety is so fucking bad. i sweat. my stomach is in knots 24/7. i don't eat because i want to be pretty. my head hurts so bad. i have so many migraines. my back hurts. im tense. everything. it's constant. it's been constant since i was a child. i don't know what to do.

i'm unloved. swedish boy doesn't love me. carolina boy doesn't love me. philadelphia doesn't love me. swedish boy gaslights me and manipulates me and i don't do anything about it. i let him. my best friends have pushed me away.

i'm worthless. no one loves me and no one has. i don't know what else to do. im lost. i've been lost. and whats the absolute worst is that its never changed this entire fucking diary.

please please please i know this can get better. it has to. i know it has to. i just have to keep trying right?




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