ahrie

Sometimes
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2020-12-20 14:35:00 (UTC)

surfing my feelings

When I visualize my process it's like surfing my feelings from point A to a better unknown point.

I start with contemplating things that make me feel and then I surf along my feelings to take me somewhere else... sometimes deeper into my emotions, sometimes it surfs to the familiar well-traveled paths, sometimes it surfs a path out to nothing really, sometimes I surf to the equivalent of warm sandy beaches. I avoid surfing into areas of fear and insecurity because I don't want them to become well-traveled paths....Unless I hit a wall. I then decide whether I want to proceed.

Sometimes I feel like I'm setting up pathways (like neural pathways) for emotions. Where when I feel sad, I can find that path out of the sadness. Or when I am unmotivated, I can surf myself to a better state. I was trying to describe it to someone a few months ago and had an epiphany that it's like surfing my feelings.

It's like inspecting the tangents of an emotion and exploring the tangents of tangents. Rather than being pushed by the wave of feelings, I explore them, where I am in control.

I can start with any one of my feelings which makes the process super accessible. Overtime the web of feelings grow and I have other areas of starting points.
Rather than trying to force a certain feeling, like self-love which seems so strange that people think you can just do it because it's not that simple. Maybe it's just too far away? Instead, I am starting from where I am at and explore, and over time its takes me closer and maybe one day it will be close enough to just do it and self love.

I hate getting advice from people who don't understand how hard something can be because they have never started from a mile behind the starting line.


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