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diaré
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2020-09-03 05:36:41 (UTC)

untitled

Hello diary
No one can find me here, right?
Quick (hopefully) update on my life
Been fucking obsessed with being happy
The wasted 4 months was just me asking myself "why am i not happy anymore?"
It's so pathetic, I used to be so cool and that was before 4 months ago
Then suddenly i just woke up, empty, I was not used to that anymore
I became a pandering pick me girl lmao
And everything was a complete blank
I'm not happy now, but fulfilled, I feel like myself again
I've done everything to be like this
I slitted my wrist, my shoulders, been in debt to buy food, listened to i love it by kanye and lil pump
But the solution I had found to be in a self-proclaimed "manic" phase is to sleep in the morning or dont wake up in the morning
I feel I had found the secret to life on how to unlock the fullest potential of your brain
What a fucking waste of months but see it's only a tiny bit of your life
And I have a very deterriorated memory, idk what that means but my memory feels deterriorated
I swear it's like a 8gb memory card, because sometimes when i'm talking to people my mind would just go
oof memory failure
I just completely disappeared from my friends since I was feeling insecure and that means I can't talk to people
My confidence comes and goes, Irony.
I wanna create a book, a book of life, booklife, i'll think of a cooler name later.
A compilation of the things I had observed, then i'm gonna be a filmmaker.
A pseudorealistic film. or just a realistic one.
I also am pretty horny almost always
I also am a virgin
Yeah I call that an achievement
Sometimes I get to this fantasies
then I think of myself doing it
then my pussy gets dried instantly
I can never see myself getting into sexual intercourse with someone
Does humping your pillow counts as sex?
I've always wondered why are people so boring nowadays
But then if I thought that way, I must be the boring one
The last sentence is half-meant
We don't really give meaning to life anymore
I had yet to see one


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