༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
To my label of Mother....
I’m writing you to tell you, I love you, despite everything. The love is based on the idea, you, are my mother, only by a label.
I know, your time is growing short.
I hope you find peace in your soul when you go to the next faze in life.
I may never understand why, someone would take the time and effort to search for a child to give them a home so to speak, and not do your best to love them as their own.
I will never understand why, when I was being sexually abused, I did not get listened to. I understand that you wanted to prove a point to your parents, that your marriage would last till death do you part.....but, when a child has to be on birth control at an early age because your husband is raping her, there’s a line being crossed and I will never understand why a mother chooses to support the husband and not the child.
I wanted a mother who loves me, truly loves me, supported me, no matter what. I had a beautiful soul back then, I still do, it’s just been tainted and is like stained glass, I can’t see clearly through all the stuff covering it, but once the sun starts shining, it will be a beautiful window for the world to admire.
I have an art talent, that was never admired, appreciated, nor supported.
I have a huge heart, and a ton of love, no matter what, despite the way life went.
I wish I had a mother to hug me back as a child and now as an adult.
I wish I had a mother to hold me as I cried as a child and even as an adult.
I wish I had a mother to truly sit and listen to me as I was growing up in each stage of life.
I wish I had a mother who helped me feel welcomed since day one of setting eyes on me.
I wish I had a mother who took the time to teach me about simple things about the female facts as I was maturing in the stages of life.
I wish I had a mother who supported me.....listened to me......and coached me to be the best in everything I did, and helped me pick myself up when I fell.
I wish, I had a mother, who truly loves me, then, and now.
One that I could call as an adult, and get advice from.
One that would love seeing grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
One who would be proud and know the greatness about me, was seeded by the hard work of an awesome mother doing her best.
I wish I had a mother, not just the label of mother, who was there to make the right choices to raise me because she truly loved me.
I wish I wasn’t just a label of daughter......
Im not going to list everything that I feel a mother should do, when they have a child, adopted or biological.....
I’m simply writing to express the disappointment I had while living with you.
I understand, you may have done your best.
I, as an adult now, know, despite all the disappointment, and struggles, I overcome it all on my own, and was supported and loved by strangers.
I’m not going to ask why when growing up, I was not accepted, loved, supported, nurtured, nor wanted....I simply acknowledge the facts of how life is, and I could not control if someone loves me or not.
Maybe you did love me, somewhere in there, but couldn’t show it.
Either way, I acknowledge the label and love for you as my mother, nothing more.
I think often, of situations I went through, and the fact I taught myself to keep going....to do my best all on my own.
I’m proud of myself. I’m proud to say I’m a survivor. I’m proud that I can still love people, for who they are. That I’m able to look through muck and see the shine of people.
I’m proud that I’m a mother, not just a label, but a true mother of five beautiful children, who blessed me with eight grandchildren so far. I’m proud I helped my children in every way possible. I hugged them often, I supported their decisions, I helped pick them up when they fell in life, and tried teaching them about life and love the best I could, despite the fact, I did not have that growing up.
I will forever remember you as the label of mother.
May you one day, know, I’m beautiful inside and out, by my own hard work.
I wish you forgiveness and peace.