sefora

sefora's diary
2020-12-15 13:17:13 (UTC)

a lady is calling me on thursday

I getting a call on Thursday and honestly, I am scared I want to escape everything and everyone maybe I should commit suicide to escape all of this I am trying to live but my mind is telling a different story should I just end to all before Thursday I don't know what to do how did I become like this I don't feel happiness or love I feel empty and nothingness I feel like I am trapped in the abyss and I don't know how to escape I don't know if I should tell her everything or I should hide myself at this rate I may end up dying from too much stress and anxiety and depression my hear is telling me to say the truth and my mind is telling another I don't know who to listen

even though I say suicide if for the weak right now I am weak to the point I can't bother trying I want to live without all of this stress getting in my way I don't want my mood swings changing out of nowhere I don't want to always feel pathetic guilty of something I didn't do I don't want to hate myself instead I want to love myself if I don't love me who will I am fat, ugly, and depressed or at least that is what everyone is saying to me other people have no idea that if they say something to someone who is dealing with many things it can hurt them even break them like they say "words hurt deeper than knives" and unfortunately they are right I wish I could remember how I got this way it felt like my life was going smoothly until I took one wrong step and I ended up falling into the abyss and I am still falling I wonder where will I land and how will I safely land on my feet or straight on my back and die

why do we humans have depression?
why do we have anxiety?
what are we exactly to other peoples eyes are we happy in their eyes or the opposite?
why do humans have to fake everything in order to live?

anyway writing about it make me feel better i shall get back to you guys Thursday and try to tell you what happened if can remember but i would try
byee for now xxx
your sincerity sefora
bye piss out




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