Experienced Life
2020-12-14 23:10:23 (UTC)

Confessing why I do what I do 😌

I know I do things that may not be the most feasible thing to do. I know full well I buy things that may be questionable as far as needing or the smartest thing. Yes, I have impulses at times and it's probably not the smartest moves sometimes. I've made purchases and if I really sat down and thought about it, there would be some purchases that was questionable. Ok, maybe down right stupid and not needed. So from the outside looking in, it doesn't make sense for me to do this.

So let me explain my past and maybe it'll help explain why I do what I do. Not saying it's right. I'm just saying why. Growing up, we were piss-butt poor. Growing up as kid, my parents never took us to Mcd's or Jack in the box...ever. Movies? I never got into the theatre ever with my parents, brothers, or sisters. We were that poor. In the good old days, we'd be playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I recall whenever the Ice cream truck would come, I'd automatically run home. Not because I wanted money from my parents for ice cream, but instead just to hide from shame of knowing my parents would never give me ice cream money. I wouldn't even try to ask. Pretty crappy for an 7 year old kid. Anyway, when the neighborhood kids would get their ice cream, they'd come to my house. My bedroom window (which I shared with my brothers) was in the backyard and my friends would come with their ice cream. They were cool about it. They'd offer to let me take a few licks from their ice cream. hehe. But the shame was too much even at 7 years old.

That's how it was growing up. Any new cool toy I'd see in commercials? Yeah, much as I wanted them as a kid, I wouldn't even bother asking my parents to get it for me. No, I knew already. Didn't pout, didn't cry, didn't complain. Just felt that powerless feeling of the consequences of being poor.

the only way I could earn some money was to collect coke bottles and trade them in for cash. My friends would have kites and we'd go and fly them. Me? I learned how to make kites with newspaper and cooked rice for paste. We'd use the stem of the coconut tree branch for the backbone of the kite. All we needed was enough money to buy some string. Not the expensive nylon string but regular kit twine because it was cheaper. Didn't have a kite string spool. We used discarded soda cans as our spool. Life of being poor. When I'd get hungry and wanted a snack? There were no Cheetos, Fritos, or Cheese nips waiting for me at home in the cupboard. Nyet, Nada, zilch, nothing. Good thing about being in Hawaii is that you could at least grab mangoes hanging down from the trees and eat them when you were hungry. Didn't have a choice.

When I was old enough, I helped my Dad clean rich people's yards. Yup, I was that poor minority kid in Hawaii cleaning up rich people's yards. Came home smelling like dog poop everytime because well, people had dogs in their backyard and they'd just let the poop lay where they fell. My Dad paid me slave labor but something was better than nothing. I hated doing yard. So, to this day, I pay someone else to clean my yard. Yeah.. tainted past did that. hehe.

In high school? Fashion and cool accessories is pretty important in the social life of high school. Not for me. No money for clothes so I took whatever it was my Mom bought me. It was always bargain basement stuff so yeah, social life in high school sucked. Never could go anywhere because... no money. Going out? Well, it was cheap to catch the bus in Hawaii so that was my transportation. While I had friends that had the latest fashions in High school and some even had cars, I was just in whatever I got and the bus was it for me. By car, it takes 30 min to get somewhere. By bus? 2 1/2 hrs to get there. That was life for me.

I couldn't really get a job in high school yet because I graduated when I was 17 so I couldn't get a job till my Senior year in high school. Graduated from high school and I was booted out of my parent's house. I recall them telling me I had nearly 18 years of free rent. Hahaha. Some things burn into you and you never forget. That's what I was told. Life was tough for a long time. Education? WTH! How can I think of that when I was thinking paying rent and eating. Working at Mcd's doesn't give you a life of luxury. So it was always two jobs or job and school. Never ending for so long. I remember being so hungry. When I finally managed to buy a car, if it broke down, there is no fixing it. It will sit where it sits for a long time. Didn't have the money to fix it. Tires? I knew there were three steel belts in them so until I see the second belt showing on my tires, it was good enough. I'd go back to catching the bus again. And if I ever missed the last bus after work was over? I'd have to walk home from Waikiki to Kalihi. Took so long to get home and walking home a little after midnight, I'd get home hrs later. My shoes were always beat up and worn out because the restaurant would be greasy and grease eats up shoes. You'd feel the pain walking home with those shoes. I feel bad for my ex gf because she'd come to my job to be with me at closing where I worked. We'd hit or miss catching that last bus. She'd walk home with me too when we'd miss that bus. She never complained. God bless that woman.

Christmas? I can still count the presents I had from the time when I was a kid till I hit 17. Birthday cakes? Never had one till I hit 18 yrs old. I don't blame my parents. They did what they had to do to make a life for themselves. I just knew I didn't want put my kiddos in that kind of a situation ever.

Fast forward to my somewhat life this past decade-is. I've since then almost always have two vehicles and even a motorcycle at times. I know why I do that. Now I hope people understand why.

When I was with my kiddos? Christmas was big. The tree was full of presents. Kiddos wouldn't just get a couple of presents. Wifey too at the time. Girl kiddo would get a three story doll house, Samsung pad for her and the boy. Lots of clothes, shoes (Jordans), and a plethora of whatever the cool toys were at the time. Of course, our home would have all the electronics like Playstation, and X box. TVs in every bedroom. Whatever they wished for they got. Wifey? Gucci watches, iPhone, Dooney and Burke bags, fancy perfumes. Yeah, we'd light it up. Again, now you folks know why I did or do what I did.

Clothes? I have three closets full of clothes now. Shoes? Maybe two dozen. Fancy-smancy clothes? Yeah, I got a bunch of suits and even a tux.
I drive an Acura TL and it never breaks down. I got my fun vehicle and that's my Toyota Tacoma. My fridge? I got two and it's always full of food. All this due to the growing pains from being poor in the past.

I know all too well why I do what I do now. At one point, I was feeling a little bad because I have friends that gets laid off or works two jobs just to survive. Some of them think I'm nuts for doing what I do but I think I paid my dues growing up. I've watched people in the past wondering how they can be so rich being able to get things that I could only dream of at one point. Well, those days are gone. I'm far from rich but I got my education and now I can somewhat comfortably buy stuff I want. This is why I do what I do. I had a lot of what they'd call "character building" for a big portion of my life. Now it's time to enjoy life a little bit. I think I earned it and savor it more because I know how it was being piss-ass poor. Been there done that. BTW, I don't eat mangoes anymore. Not ever. I wouldn't eat one if you gave me $20 bucks to eat one. Yeah.... not gonna.

So if I talk about stuff I buy or blow money on stupid things, I hope this somewhat explains why I do what I do.