Resilient_Robz058

I_am_Resilient
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2020-12-14 08:38:54 (UTC)

Toxic Relationships

When I hear toxic relationships, I usually think of romantic relationships but now, more than ever I understand that toxic relationships go beyond that. We make jokes about it and sometimes even compare our parents reactions and punishments with our friends but the truth is none of it is normal. From as long as I can remember I've been told what to do and when to do it, what time to be home and who I should be with. I have been forced to go to church even with almost no sleep and the biggest hangover. I didn't understand it and some parts of me still doesn't. My mother wants perfect children and I am not perfect. I use to bunk school and I failed a grade, I drank alcohol before I was suppose to and I've actually never cared what my mother think about the person I'm dating even though I'd be twenty three with a curfew of 22:00pm just because she didn't like who I was dating. I mean we were into heavy partying, both of my sisters. We would go out and come back the next day, letting my mother now where we are always. I just don't understand how older "adults" work sometimes. I went out with my sister and boyfriend and my person (heart). We got back to my sisters bfs house and played some games and slept over. We woke up the next day and my sister and her guy decided to swim we were chilling and having a good day. For my mother this is the equivalent to killing baby pandas. "It's disgusting" she says. What is disgusting? sleeping? partying? playing games? swimming? Telling you where we are? leaving you alone? WHAT!? because it makes no sense to me. I'm twenty eight, my sister will be twenty one soon. Why do colored parents insist on being toxic, controlling and manipulative? "We do things for you so you will do what I say" This is the kind of attitude my mother has had since forever. I can't have a life of my own, no-one can. You will be controlled so that there is peace in the world. The drama never ends. I look at other peoples relationships with their parents and it's so amazing to see. I don't know what that feels like, to just be open and honest with your parents. To have a good relationship with my parents. It's all about appearances and "What will people say?" I don't care about what people will say and neither should she. Rather be there for your kids emotionally and make sure they're good mentally. Material things can't give us that. Talking to my mother about this is never an option because every time we do we're told we're being disrespectful or we just gotta accept the rules because we live in her house. What kind of relationship is that? I mean when I was living by myself I did everything for myself BY my self. Colored parents have a way of holding you back because when you get a job in their house you have to start paying your way. How!? Especially in this country? Trying to get out on your own is almost impossible. There is so much pressure on us and when we try and find ways to release the pressure suddenly we're bad people. Why is it normal to suppress your children? Their feelings don't matter and as long as they're doing what YOU want them to do then that's enough. We're trying to break cycles and make things better for those after us but still we're being held back.


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