šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2020-12-13 12:27:53 (UTC)

A Day Of Rest.

I spent the entire day and evening on bedrest. My body feels very rested and I have been pain free. Mostly. My head has been so unwell today. And I have done nothing about it, except colour. My head hurts from all this toxic thinking. A day of being stuck in my life problems. I hope that tomorrow will be better. A lot better.
It feels like I am back at the beginning again. I'm not, but it really feels like it.


This will be my last month with my phone service provider. The dickhead hung up on me when I told him what a screw up their automated system was. He also suggested a $40 monthly pre~pay plan. I don't know if I can afford that...it sounds like a good idea though. I get more G's. But that's not the point. I know when I'm not being heard. It's hard to be heard these days. Very hard. I even wrote down what I wanted to say. Made no difference at all. He stuck to what he thought was the reality of the situation, which was totally different to mine. I USE THE FUCKING SYSTEM, every day and he just wouldn't hear me out. Their automated system is shagged and they fucking know it. So he hung up on me! This started my head unravelling faster than it had before that. My problem was real and he basically denied it, then hung up. I want to call him a terrible name but I can't. That's not very mature of me, and it doesn't reflect any kind of sober attitude either.


I just feel so overwhelmed!!
Family problems, recovery problems, household problems, other problems. Problems, problems and more FUCKING PROBLEMS!!! A really horrible "rest" day today.
Really feels like I am back at square one.

2020 has been a very angry year for me. I can't allow 2021 to be the same.
At least I worked through some anger this year, but there's a shitload left to deal with.
I'm not working my program enough. That's the trouble...now I feel better.

I slept well and I slept a lot today. I want to go back to sleep asap but I have 2 jobs to do first, and it's nearly midnight. 23:57 Sunday night.

Tomorrow I tackle my recovery program, walk at least 6 kilometres and get enough food into me.


I still need to take a warm shower then turn it down to cold for a minute because I think I have a temperature. I've not had much water today and I need to take my meds too. I need to eat more food.




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