The past week has been a mess. I start breaking out with acne like a teenager going through puberty--the pimples just appeared randomly on what was previously decent skin. It appeared overnight and now a few days later it is subsiding. I can see this physical outpour of my stress. I wonder... what about the internal parts that I can't see? Polyps, free radicals, irregularities?
I cried at work because I felt tremendously sad at the situation. A week ago I had made a mistake and corrected it immediately... actually rendering it a non-issue within a couple of days because I got it fixed 2 seconds after I made the mistake. The mistake didn't stick and there were no consequences to my mistake except someone's reaction to my mistake. As a result of this person's reaction to my mistake, a lot of people had to pick sides. This person requested to my senior that I should be perfect and that this task should be done only by my senior. My senior disagreed and said that she has made the same mistake in the past. Then the situation escalated and the person requested that all of my tasks should be done by my senior... and then it escalates a few more times... to the point that we are now looking at restructuring. It blows my mind every time I think about this. I was told there were definite signs of issues with the partnership since last Christmas and that this may have been a convenient catalyst to exit. In no way is this situation only as a result of me and I understand that now.
The people that work with me have all showed me support and kindness telling me that it's not me. I work with wonderful people. I felt tremendously sad that everyone, during this stressful time, got dragged in. I think I would have been less sad if they just said to me that this person didn't want me working there anymore and that their hands are tied and they regretfully are letting me go. I think I would have been a bit relieved that way. There are so many opportunities for work for me. Maybe the other partners know that and didn't want their businesses to suffer by letting me go. The distance people will go to not admit their own flaws... rather than admitting that he overreacted, more and more aggressive punishments were recommended for the people not agreeing with his side.
When I cried at work I thought "ok... it's 9am... and I'm crying at the start of my day. Maybe I'll stay and reassess at 10am." I cried straight until noon while catching up on really simple work. I thought about going home... but then I would have just cried at home instead and added more stress to my life. I feel embarrassed but I don't feel ashamed of showing the impact of someone throwing around their words about my work. I'm not immature and it's ok to show vulnerability. I went into work the next day and told my colleague that I was much better and was not going to be like the prior day.
On we go. So we're planning for the restructuring.