La Flaca

Being honest with my self is not easy

Am in the process of learning how to be honest with myself, and is been a lot harder than I thought, why? because I've always been a people pleaser and trying to please myself has been a lot harder than I had thought of, only because before I never had to choose, what ever it was I knew what I wanted and went for it. Now is difrent, because everything I wanted is already here and I have, the things I long for are in a difrent sense, not material things but things that are there at your reach if your willing to work hard for them such as...integrity, love, sense of belonging, and others, no wonder is so much easier to feel depressed now days. There is a nonstopable search for approval, specialy on social media. And I ask my self some times, ¿what are the things that make me happy? and all the things that I am doing wright this second are a few of those things, writting, drinking my coffee, listening to music, but also visiting with the ones I love, cooking for others and being there for others when they need me. But most of the time I feel lonly. And this is ok I've learned to live with this feeling, the one time where I don't feel this is when am arround my family, mother and brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces. I can't wait to be arround them all. who knows when that will be. And it breaks my heart that I blew that one oportunity that was given to us when we moved to my hometonw a while back. But that's a mistake I'll have to live with even though I've forgiven my self for that. I still miss living at the ranch and feeling the cold air in my face this time of year.