chae

from my heart
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2020-12-03 14:24:36 (UTC)

trying to be patient

2:24 pm
he said that he would never leave me. that he wouldnt be okay without me. he told me that during christmas time we should listen to lots of christmas together.

he said that he loved me so much but he removed the playlist he made for me from his public playlist and he posts on instagram about moving on. i feel so hurt. im trying not to let my feelings take over and switch from sadness to anger. i dont want to fuck up by being angry and messaging him something that would make him want to never be with me again... even though he already doesnt want to be with me anymore.

on one of his posts from may he said that the scariest thing about love is that one day someone can wake up and decide that they lost feelings for you. and he did that to me. loved me one day to not wanting me the next.

i have to be more understanding. i have to be more patient. i need to understand that hes depressed and that hes going through a lot right now. i just wish he would tell me that he needs more time to heal and that he would want me again. but he doesnt. hes telling me to move on when its clearly so hard for me. i dont understand any of this. despite how many paragraphs he will tell me it doesnt work.

im so freaking sad. im scared because one day he will move on and find another girl and ill be there in the background watching it all. it hurts so badly. i hate eating. i hate everything.


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