Struggling

struggling married man
2020-11-30 15:35:04 (UTC)

Big Red

So I had met Big Red in my early 20's. She is a strawberry blond, and when we met we hit it off quite well. The problem is that we have NEVER been free to date each other. When I met her, she was already in a relationship but we always had great conversations whenever we met. WE never exchanged phone numbers, and truth be told I was attracted to her even back then. We would run into each other from time to time as we had mutual friends, and it was always a pleasure hanging out with her either at a bar or at a friends party or house. Fast forward a few years later we were both at a wedding together and man did she look yummy. I was already engaged by then and she was there with her BF. It was at this wedding that she let me know that she has ALWAYS had a crush on me. Wow to my shock and surprise I told her I did on her as well, but that we were never free to pursue it further. That was the last time I had seen her. Fast forward some 18 to 20 years when I saw her on a friends facebook page, so I reached out. I was not in a good place in my marriage at the time. This was about the same time I had reconnected with Christine, and it was after I had, had two affairs. I wasnt look at the time. We reconnected and soon we were chatting at first a few times a week that progressed to daily via goggle chat. We would chat the whole working day away, and we started to flirt. Flirting becoming sexting, and it was pretty obvious that we still wanted each other. At this point she was also not happy, and while we saw pics of each other, there was no xrated types of pictures being exchanged. She by now has gotten a little heavy from having a child. I call her big red because she is about 5'10" and well is also pretty big in the chest.
Anyway for the next few months we flirted and chatted daily. This went on for a few months, and at one point we decided that we were going to meet. It was obvious what we were planning. WE were going to spend a Sat together, at a hotel. We both wanted each other. WE had to postpone it twice so it was a few months before we actually met. Leading up to that Sat I was fighting a cold, a cough. I had been doing everything I could to fight it, taking nyquill b/c well I didnt want to postpone again. I thought I had done everything I needed. So the day came and we met. She is very voluptuous at this point. Still pretty as heck and with some curves.
When we met the energy was there, we both went for a long making out sort of kiss, and it was glorious. We drove around, deciding to go to an aquarium and just spending the day like a couple. It was far enough away for both of us where we didnt worry about being seen. We spent about an hour at the aquarium holding hands, stealing kisses just like a couple on a first date. Then it was obvious what we both wanted. So we drove off to a hotel. I asked her to wait in the car while I got the room ready. She said she was going to call home to talk to her son. She made an excuse to get away. I ran up to the room, and lit candles, and placed rose petals all over the room and bed. When she came up the room was perfect, like a lovers get away. We were locked in a sexual embrace, where I was groping and feeling her up. This was done in the doorway of the room. I slowly undressed her kissing and sucking on her body, she was moaning, and just begging for me when I finally led her to the bed. I went down on her taking my time bringing her to an orgasm from my mouth and fingers. She then in turn went down on me, but for some reason I couldnt get hard. She was sucking me off of a good while and I was enjoying it but I couldnt get hard. I was fondling her big breast and I was feeling her, but Ijust couldnt get hard. As we laid there holding each other, she realized how hot I was. I was getting a fever which totally killed the mood. We ended up parting ways after that never even being able to have intercourse. We thought we would have a chance later on because we both wanted it. But we never did.
She ended up getting sick too and we both were sick for about a week to 10 days. She saw it as a sign, and said that maybe it means that we shouldnt but we decided that we would stay in each others lives. She had put me in the friend zone...or so I thought. When we met for lunch 2 months later, one of the first things we did was make out. We would touch each others, and then after lunch she would tell me how hot she was when we made out, but that she kept telling herself no we can't. At one point when I walked her to her car to say goodbye, she was sitting there in her car and we were making out pretty hot and heavy. I even placed my hand between her leg and she let me rub her there for a little bit before she stopped me telling me that I needed to stop. This is how our relationship was for the next 2 years. We met for lunches, or dinner, would make out and grope each other, we would flirt, she would touch me I would touch her, but she kept saying we couldnt.
Then as things progressed to the point where she was rethinking it we made plans for another go at it. She also travelled for her job and asked if I could get away maybe go with her. That wasnt an option but we made plans to meet at a hotel on one of her trips back. She would tell her hubby that she was getting back on a sunday but would flyback on a friday and get a room. It was all planned, being that it was an international trip she wanted to download songs. She synched up iphone to her computer but didnt know that she accidentally downloaded her msg history too. Her hubby found out texts. It wasnt overt but it was flirty. There was never anything in there to implicate us but there was enoough to know that it was very very flirty. She said we had to cool it for a bit , so we stopped for about 8 months. Then we recoonected again on facebook (we had unfriended each other) and it was like we never left. She even said that she was at a point her in marriage where it was dead, and that she wanted me and didnt want to just be satisfied with stealing kisses. This was said over dinner, so we again started to make plans. That night after dinner we walked around, and utilmately ended up in her car again making out, touching each other. It was obvious I was excited, but she didnt want to seem cheap so we didnt do anything other than that in the car. For the next month or so all we spoke about daily was she can't wait to finally have me. we both thought it would happen, but it didnt. She told one of her GFs about us, who was friends with one of my good friends. His wife told her to leave me alone, that she would expose us. You see in her younger days, I found out that Big Red was known to steal BF's bc she was a bit of a player when she was younger. So we again parted ways. Now whenever I see my friend's wife I play it close to the vest, b/c 1. I'm not sure to what extend she knows about us. She has never said anything to me, and I dont think she has said anything to my wife. Tey dont really communicate all that much other than on facebook. 2. Does she just think her friend is back to her ways of stealing "bf"s So that is the extent with Big Red. OF the women I've had an affair with, this one was also emotional as well. But I need to play it safe and stay away. When we broke things off Big Red said that she will always love me. I wonder was she the one ? Everyone has that one love of their life.
Was she the one that got away. We got along so well, it wasnt all just sexting and such. We had a lot in common, it was very much like a relationship.
And yes I know I ended up getting with Christine while we were sort of together, but a lot of that was b/c I felt she was leading me on. One thing I didnt mention is that b/c of her job Big Red is out a lot, and I would see this and it would get me mad, b/c there was a lot of times when she said she couldnt see me for dinner yet I would see her post that she is out having drinks and dinner with other people. I know some of it was work related making contacts and such, but it doesnt mean I still didnt feel left out.




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