candy♥

candy's dear diary
2020-11-28 06:51:33 (UTC)

I still need youy lord

Dear lord
Help me get to some career in my life. I don't feel great for every moment I am insulted and when I feel like now I'll study I have been made to feel insulted. Everyone disturbs me. My mental health has declined. My parents were good but now it has gone above all of our control. I pray to you everyday having meal, knowing that you are able and you are willing. But I can't understand what is stopping you from making all things right. Help me out from here, I have tried what I could without attracting more bad mental health and bad comments. Get me out of this, give me some career to follow and earn. When I want to study, I am disturbed, when I don't want to study, I am scolded. And in all the times I feel terrible like there's no happy in future. Show me that you still hold the power and you will still love me for who I am and that I am not at fault for being broken all my life, for smiling when I should not have. I know and so do you, that I am able and willing it is just the environment and surrounding that has never made me comfortable but poking me to the ground when all I am wanting is to fly. If not you, who do I ask, who I seek, who do I pray, who do I love, who do I say, who do I share. I helped that guy and this guy in gaining confidence and job and happiness but I am the one all broken and mentally challenged and laughed at and mocked for being the nice person in the world who is not knowing how to survive, on one taught me the right way ever. This is so contradicting everywhere that I can't figure out one principle to live. This stresses me out so much that I get tired so often. I wish you listen to me and also helps me out because I know many people have worked more than me and might be in need of job but does that make me less worthy, less able, less deserving? No it doesn't. I know I am able, I am deserving, I am worthy. All people have lied, even my parents. Oel, ill never forget you, conversation with you was the best thing in my life, I have never had such good conversation with anyone in my life, you said the very usual and useful things and get I cried uncontrollably. I loved you in that very moment. You were absolutely awesome, I wanted to know more about you, meet you. I pray to meet you someday and tell you how lovely you felt. Oel, I might name someone oel in your memory because of the love I felt with you.
Love
Candy
Love me back o my people, and teach me to love, I wanna be with aayu too. I have already fantasised which is horrible in positive way. It's getting so out of control, my feelings. I wonder how he is tolerating my conditions, he must be getting mad. I need to bathe for now.
Dear god please get me job and earn a living or kill me, complete me or finish me. I want to be happy and make others happy, I want to be smart.




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