One of my episodes
Maybe I haven’t expressed these episodes before but they usually involve lots of depression, dark thoughts and wishing I was a cisgender girl. Sometimes I tell myself my life would be so much easier if I was a girl. I don’t believe girls always have greener grass, I don’t think that at all. I’m saying that my life would be easier. I get into these episodes a lot when I watch porn especially. Because i get so jealous of the females. I want to feel a hard penis in my vulva, I want to cuddle up with a man, I want to be a girl. I want to be a girl...
Why can’t I be a girl? I want to make a man feel special, I want my very presence to be his gift. I don’t expect to be a princess, I just want to be deeply loved as a woman.
I’m not trying to ego bait, few people thought so and told me I look amazing. And to be honest i do like the way i look. I look in the mirror and I see this face, sometimes I smile and sometimes I frown, all for the same reason. It’s a face I’d want to date, which in turns means it’s a face I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be it, I want to be with it.
I think about suicide a lot when I’m like this, because no matter what can happen I will never be a cisgender girl.
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