me and my life
Yes yes it's about him again. Since I was longing to write him a letter ✉️future letter I thought why not just pour my heart instead of actually writing him, because that is not going to make him any sense and i might end up regretting as always.
You cannot believe how much I miss you. Your absence makes me insane, it's still hard for me to digest that we are no more together. It's been 9 months that we haven't met and soon it will be a year and soon it will be our breakup anniversary haha... I know all this doesn't matter to you but it does to me.
I'm writing you to just pour my heart as I cannot keep it in there like you. After you stopped talking to me in April which continued till 3 months I was in anger, I thought this will teach you a lesson as you always do this not talking after fight, I pretended as if it is ok with me coz ull come to me. J waited for a week, weeks, a month and then months. My heart started to sank as the bitter reality I was ignoring hit me hard and I realised that it actually doesn't matter to you, I don't matter to you. Because if it did no fucking matter what you would have buzz me. It still haunts me, I feel degraded, no important in your life, I feel used for my emotions, care and goodness, my heart felt exploited, betrayed and insulted. I felt how can anyone be so mean to end a 5 yr relationship in a sec for their ego or because this what they wanted. I had many ppl around me so I never got to absorb within self, but I cried every night and morning because they all were nothing without you or your love, slowly my heart sank it felt empty coz u left me alone there in the roads full of problems you quitted just like that. For you your family was more important and it should be but leaving me like this without any explanation was not right. I feel anger hate for you and your family for not considering me and kicking me out of your life but you are still there in everything, every festival, every occasion, every place, every incidence and why should not you not be because we have a wonderful time together every season. I never knew that you were also for a season in my life.
After you don't contact me for 3 months I thought of calling you for breakup I did and you din't cared. You convinced but it had no guts that seemed like a formality. I felt you don't love me anymore because it was the matter of blood and 5 yr old love and you chose you blood. I wish you were that mature that you could manage, sort things it was not that hard you just needed little guts and strong will and to my disappointment you had none to confront your parents. But you had guts to live a girl alone to whom you made promises, loved, asked to trust and broke in a way that she would not even trust someone she should in future because for that girl you were a happy world and if that flipped then anything in the world can flip on her.
I promised myself to be strong for my self respect but nothing sustained in front of you I msged you seamlessly I called you shamelessly because sometimes missing you went beyond my control. I called you just to hear from you. But you never seemed curious to get us together and back again if any of you did felt a formality so that you can be in good books. In spite this all you never called me msged me saying you are this kind of a person and for you fighting wasn't ok but leaving me was. Hahaha...
I called you last when my mom was sin hospital because I was broken, I was scared and only you made me feel good and calm but to my surprise i guess you had already forgotten me and you never asked me after that how my mom or was. Are we fine? Am I fine? And that day I promised again that ai won't contact you as you are the meanest even more than my father. But again I wished you on your birthday how shameless I could be. And you said just thank you... Aisshhhh now I am determined not to contact you and will not. I know you will also not.
You are mean, your heart is rock and you will always regret. I wish for that even though I know that your heart ached, you also felt bad, you also missed me but I you did break my heart badly for which j want you to suffer be it for any reason you did I hate you for that.
Not a day goes when I don't miss, think or any thing remind me of you. I still sob jn my blanket, j close my eyes and try to feel your touch and gaze, I still can see you me driving here and there, caring for me when I was Ill, when I was late when j was tired. What was that all??? I still have many unanswered questions and I no more want answer as I think it's our fate. I could have been different but you made our I'll fate.
I can go on and on and on but ill stop here. I'll come again to write about you. I have many problems in life and dealing with it but forgetting you is my big problem. When ever I get a spare time my mind has you. In song, in colors, in days in food in feeling. How will we react if we meet again?? Will we ever cross paths?? Will he forget me? Has he forgotten me? Do you miss me? Do u remember what I remember?? Aaahhhhh zillions of thoughts are in my mind. As the time is passing it is getting more hard for me. And I like to think abt us it hurts me but I like that feeling it's absurd I know. Sis and mom also miss you and our time we spent. They loved you so much. I wonder why your parents never liked me. I always knew that since beginning but you denied.. You sister always had issues with me God knows why. But you never believed me. Whyyy??? I should have known since beginning that they were always imp for you than me or you never involved me as your family. I was just a companion for your loneliness and that is very bad.
Ok I'll stop my heart has many things to say but I'll stop now. We are over. I wish our story had a happy ending.
Monku I still miss you and thank you for all good things you did for me like no one. But that haertbreak which you gave me erases everything good. May karma teach a culprit a lesson be it you or you family. Tc love.