MmHungry

MutteringHungryAdult
2020-11-25 21:32:00 (UTC)

Worser should be a word

Well I lost my job .

This week has went from horrible to worser , and yes I know its not a word but I need a word and that fits, and worsen makes no sense. My mom has been in the hospital since Sunday, she will likely not be back for months . So now I have three children to take care of . I am not in the mental state to even take care of myself . So far everything is going ok. They're fed and clean and that is currently all I can do . I took them to a park and I almost started crying , my boss called and told me I would not be needed anymore . I understand , I had to explain my situation prior and I get that two weeks off is a lot to ask for when there's multiple replacements of me . But it is still a sting my chest . I have been spending the money I saved to buy groceries for three kids with an entirely different diet and I had to get my brother and sisters hair done because they go back to school on the 30th and honestly I do not have the strength to even do my hair . I honestly felt like buying a pack of cigarettes' and smoking the whole pack , I now understand why people start smoking.( Although I never would actually.) This evening I put this movie on called jingle jangle and made everyone hot cocoa and apple cider . I had to go outside and cry , honestly I already was struggling mentally before all this crap happened and now I'm slowly falling forward . I'm not suicidal and I would never put myself in harm especially now with this situation , But gosh I think so much about just running away and leaving . During all of this my Psychiatrist has retired and I'm being transferred to some stupid other organization but they forgot to give me my fucking stupid mood stabilizers . Stupid fucking people , I literally took my last pill three days ago and I'm starting to feel the effects of the withdrawals , and now is really not a perfect time for me to have a manic episode or depressive episode . I'm scared , usually when I stop taking pills abruptly my mania comes full swing and sometimes I experience mild Psychosis . Surprisingly even though I have cried , I have been handling this a lot better than I thought and I give myself a pat for that . I'm not worried about that job because I have a second one. I was supposed to talk to my therapist today but I honestly forgot about the meeting . I'm eighteen, in college, watching three kids, with a job, and honestly its a Hollywood moment. Catch me in the next Life time movie , hopefully not too cheesy . I'm currently or was wrapping up birthday and Christmas presents and Jolly green I have no idea how to wrap a fucking pair of skates . I think I will just buy gift bags and put all the present my mom bought into them. I'm not that stressed since my cousin is also helping out a lot and I'm happy about that . Hydroxyzine is also a gift sent from above, I hit my head on the door and it just added to everything in pain of my body already . My back is still killing me and now I have a horrible headache . My anxiety is so amped up Im gonna go watch law and order and sleep everything off . OFF the negative note , I don't know what it is about stress but honestly I always look hotter . My hair looks so nice right now its so curly and long and I'm snatcheddd omfg . I looked in the mirror and was like wow I actually like multiple parts of myself today .

Everything is fine, I'm fine

Quote: " I love Quarintana"-Me
Song: Dreamy Nights - LilyPichu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXuNJ267Vss

One day I will find a way to share pictures on here !




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