Blake The Idiot
Phase to Phase
You know what I really like about this site? NO MEMES. On FB, it seems every other one of my friends are just committed to posting other peoples' ideas and jokes - or they're posting uplifting words of wisdom trying to convince themselves of something or other - and it's dull AF. I mean, if I wanted to read a few dozen mems in a row, I'd just google "memes" and take it from there. So thank you, fellow writers and readers, for sticking to real shit and not trying to sell your brand.
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A health nut who works in my office has a box of RXBAR brand energy bars and he gave me one. On the wrapper it says THREE EGG WHITES, SIX ALMONDS, FOUR CASHEWS, TWO DATES, NO BS. So I thought, "yeah, fine, I'll try one." I don't know if you've ever eaten one of these things, but it's like eating a flavored brick.
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At work, there is a hand sanitizer dispenser, which is good and all. But someone put a new, full bottle out and when you press down on the pump, it squirts like a thirteen year old boy after watching his first porn. Look out.
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I had a great conversation this morning with H - I wrote about her in my first entry, how we had a history and how I sometimes think about her in THAT WAY (gasp). She is an artist, you see, and is involved in a big school in order to get her masters in art stuff. I love art - especially writing and directing films and creating music - but wouldn't dream of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a proper education so I could enjoy being in debt until I die. My heroes are all folks who just did art and weren't honed, shifted, cut and shaped into the idea of an artist. For example, I'll take Bob Dylan over Kelly Clarkson any day. Or Quentin Tarantino over JJ Abrams. So that's me.
H recently, with her classmates, came up with - or "devised", as artists like to say - an art/performance piece and she wanted to know what I thought. I've done enough art that I know that artists don't REALLY want to know what people think; it's the artists' vision or demons that catapult them from one project to another. But I gave her some general feedback on the piece, sticking to more generic concepts such as light, sound and movement, and then asked her what SHE thought. And she burned for about twenty minutes on everything from the intention to the execution. She needed to burn more than she needed to hear me pontificate (ooh big word, Professor Blake) on the merits of the text and subtextual polyrhythms of the form. And I was happy to let her burn. Then she wanted to talk about her thesis and I pretty much just listened. I offered a couple of minor suggestions - all designed to help her examine her subject, not insert my ideas into the mix - but otherwise, just did a lot of nodding.
After the call, I thought, ah, maybe she and I are far, far beyond the stage of being intimate and that our relationship may be onto a new phase. Her, the fresh creator of art, and me, the older ear and sounding board.
And I thought: that's totally OK. We are all growing at different rates, right? Nobody is on a parallel path with anyone. So maybe the way one maintains love/friendships/relationships is to be aware of when phases naturally end or begin and embracing them. Hanging onto what a relationship was in the past feels safer sometimes - the past is sure as hell more predictable than the future, isn't it? - but it's like staying in seventh grade for ten years. You might ace all the tests after a few years but you're now stuck there.
Some of these thoughts were inspired by another diary writer I'm following. Thanks, KR.
Sorry I have no demons today. I'll check my inventory and try and come back with some angst and/or angry and/or confusion and/or sex in the next entry.