Madisondegraaf20

Life of a High Schooler
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2020-11-22 00:00:00 (UTC)

Text Me + Entry

1. Can someone please text me? I wanna talk to someone, I’m bored lol.
2. I’m down to 15 missing assignments instead of 40.(Hallelujah) But still getting yelled at so that’s fun. My step-dad is threatening to make me quit my job because I still have missing assignments. I literally have only had this job for 3 weeks AND he has no fucking say if I quit my job or not; that’s my mom’s choice. My mom and stepdad’s relationship confuses me. Like they argue and they fight and never take each other’s sides. They are just so opposite and it creates tension with them, my mom has been not wanting to deal with him for awhile now and she gets annoyed with him easily and he is just always cranky and bitching about something. My mom says that she’s happy but sometimes I feel like she wants pack up and leave. I feel like they might get a divorce if this keeps going on. But I’m also too young to understand anything so whatever. It just seems like a toxic relationship. He’s always telling her she doesn’t know shit and she doesn’t understand, and she walks away from him and it just builds up. I mean it’s not like their screaming at each other but they were yelling a little bit yesterday because he was literally yelling at everyone for no reason. His daughters are just like him, they always have something to bitch about and they are always cranky and like to put me and my family down. They tell us we’re stupid and our lives don’t matter. At one point Ella got mad at me and said that she wished I had died last year when I was in the hospital from my OD. She said she didn’t mean it but no matter what when someone is mad at you and says something really hurtful like what she said to me, at some point in your relationship with them that’s what they thought, or are still thinking.
3. It’s so hard to see the good things in life right now. I mean I can list things that I’m thankful for and make me happy but when I’m alone or my day is just trashy then I just think about the negatives. Like how my stepfamily hates me. I’m working on it though. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes I think of what would’ve happened if I did actually die that night. Would mom and Nick have divorced? Would Todd get more violent? What would Elivia have gone through if the last time she saw me I was screaming and kicking the firefighters? Would my stepdad even have cared or would he just would’ve felt bad for my mom but not really care? Maybe he would be relieved that I was gone... I don’t know anymore. I know my ex would’ve cared, he was the first person to ask where I was when I noticed I was gone.


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