k4rma

another Exhausted's diary
2020-11-23 02:57:07 (UTC)

Appointment

So, how was your week?
Empty. Nothing's going on around, nothing's going on in my head, there's also nothing I want to do.

Did you see some friends?
I saw my friend, yes. Twice, I think. We smoked and watched movies...I don't quite remember what. Horror movies. I didn't talk much. There was nothing fun I wanted to say and my dark mood decreases hers, so I tried to keep it more about her. I'm so tired.

How's your sleep?
I can sleep whenever I want, how long I want to, and still be exhausted. Sometimes, I sleep only for a couple of hours and my puppy wakes me up early. Other times, I go to bed and sleep for 20 hours straight, go pee, and get back to sleep for a whole night. There's not really much of me right now. I don't want to be here anymore neither than to be there anymore. I'm just tired.

Tired of what?
That's a stupid question. I'm tired of life. That's literally what I keep saying. I hate that to have choices, you also already have to be fortunate. I was a prodigy, but one without money. Now, I'm so sick all the time, I can't even learn or work. I lost my talent too. My ticket to the world. Now, all I feel is the opposite of freedom, yet deeper than being stuck. I feel like a heavy ghost.

Then, why have you required to stop our appointments?
Because I'm really too tired. I'm always nauseous, I have headaches. I'm more than sad, less than empty. I feel like I don't have much to talk about anymore, as if I was almost erased.




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