šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2020-11-23 00:12:02 (UTC)

Monday's Entry.

No more entries 'til Wednesday afternoon or so, because I'm nearly out of data. I'm going to buy a Gig at three o'clock Wednesday morning. I may write straight after I buy it but I've been pretty tired lately.

Fuck this smoking dope. It's quick at eroding what small amount of daily motivation I had to begin with. The after effects have made me feel very sick. Just horrible. I DON'T NEED this hellhole bullshit back in my life. I've smoked three times in a fortnight. Fucked if I'm going to smoke a fourth time. Just fuck this. I'm angry with myself now that the weekend is past and I'm back at day 3 with marijuana and day 10 for alcohol. This woman cannot come back into my life at all. She doesn't respect my boundaries around drug use and alcohol. She can fuck right off. I hate people just turning up at mine. Hate it. Even more if they're carrying. By that I mean alcohol, drugs, Covid19, a hurter's attitude, mean spirited, arrogant and I'm~better~than~you spirit. Just fuck off the lot of you.


My volunteer work with the Afternoon Tea party came to a swift end this morning. I sent a text to the woman who started the social get~together in our village, and let her know I'm out. I'm still maintaining our Senior's Lounge but that's it. Still some more work to be done on it. I'll do it at my pace, not anyone else's pace. They can get fucked. I have had pressure put on me to get things done, then when I do them, they complain that I do too much. I'm not being part of this fucked up little game anymore. I was told at the Tea Committee meetings that there are no bosses and then they do exactly that ~ boss me the fuck around then completely deny that is what took place. Control freaks and they know it. It's their power base and it is what keeps them going in life. I knew this before I started working with them. I did it anyway because I want to be an active part of the community and I just love our Senior's Lounge.
Truth is...I can't change them.
They're going to keep trashing my work, no matter how often I stand up for myself and ask them not to. They just don't care.

Humanity is becoming really fucked~up in the head. Some days I truly hate being on this earth because of this. The head is where it all starts.
Simply hate this brutal reality.
And you know what? I'm staying on. I'm going to teach myself how to live amongst you and not allow the crazy, fucked~up side of Humanity to do my head in anymore. You wanna stay sick?? That's your choice.
I've had, and lead a fucked up life and fucked if I'm going to keep leading a fucked up life.
I'm too beautiful for remaining fucked up.
And I'm damned sure that I am making perfect sense.




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