hell on heels
Where are we now...
I am at a loss for hope here.
I never knew what happiness was unless I was winning, fucking, or finding it at the bottom of a bottle.
I want nothing more than for me and you to work through all of our issues and be the best parents we can be.
I want my child to grow up better than me.
But is this the cycle, reverse?
Is this the over compensating mother in a loveless relationship teaching her only daughter to lie versus feel? Is this how the cycle actually continues?
I feel the plaines of previous lives swelling in on me. I feel truth coming to fruition. I feel it all and yet I sit here, complacent. Knowing my pastife repeats, knowing the pain I ensued and yet I wait. As if my child will feel nothing from this. I. Am slowly becoming my mother. I can see it as I age. I hope for a better life, like praying will feed a family. Like holding my breath will keep me from drowning and like the ceasing of Speaking numbers will stop the time all together I. I am fucking weak.