me and my life
Life is not good
Life is definitely not going well. It feels like a suffering. The thing which hurts me more is my mom's health. She is taking long to recover. And because of her bad health other things are happening like all responsibility on me, household chores has become a burden on me now. Even am tired physically and mentally. My job hunt is going no where. Why is it so difficult for me to achieve a simple thing in life.?? Financial issues has always been a problem. Am at that phase of my life where I feel scared for being Having nothing and I feel numb for the same. I don't know what's gonna happen? What is the future there is no intuition nor prediction. I feel there is nothing. I have left upon God. My birthday is arriving soon and I'm feeling uncomfortable even with the thought. Sad birthday without V. Ok let's not talking about him may be in next post.
So, ya I have so many plans for life but everytime there is some or other thing which holde back. And that plan becomes a dream which can never be fulfilled. What is stored for me in future? Why do I have to be so unfortunate. I'm proud and glad to do my mom's seva but I'm also sad for her not been well. For an active women like her sitting on couch without doing anything is a pain and to see her weak is a pain for me. J pray God for rher speedy recovery. I pray for her happiness. we have planned so much together on trips and other things hope she gets well soon and the phase I'm today will pass and become a memory of my strength.
Also, sometimes am afraid of having more bad days than this ahhh I believe in God am sure he will show mercy. God bless everyone. An another day in my life has started. It feels like am living everyday just for a sake. There is nothing fascinating or anything to look forward for next day. I am in a very bad state and am sure this too shall pass soon. But many hrs, days, weeks, months and yrs have been wasted doing nothing. A yr has passed so quickly Unproductively for self. Yes I strived for my family and I feel good about it. But, what about me??
I want a time for self where I am happy in my space. With mom, sis and my life partner. Where everything is good and happy and content.
Let's live an another day hoping for better tomorrow.