All that is
I’m reading this book at the moment called “the lives and loves of a she devil” and quite enjoying it. This woman Ruth, who is described as unattractive and hideous and frankly knows it, is cheated by her handsome husband and when she tries to confront him is gaslighted by him. He is remorseless, self righteous even, and after being emboldened by the encouragements of his mistress Mary Fisher, discards Ruth. At the peak of one of their confrontations her husband calls her a “She Devil”. And that seemed to change her. She takes on a mind of “I’ll prove you right”. After years of playing the role of the dutiful wife, and shrinking herself for fear of humiliation, she embarks on a journey of transformation and well-calculated vengeance. She bids her time as she puts the pieces in place and we, the reader watch gratified, as they come together neatly. It’s what her husband and his lover both deserve. As she does this, her personality also shifts and she becomes more self-assured, more of a match to be reckoned with and the doesn’t shrink anymore, despite her unredeemable physical characteristics.
I love it. at the start of the novel I rolled my eyes in disappointment when it turned out we shared a middle name. Now I relish it.
Well, yesterday night I dreamt that a large, tallish middle aged looking Woman had climbed over my balcony using a ladder and had come to talk to me. I saw the top of her head first and it freaked me out. Her hair was fuzzy and dark brown. She wore a thick fur coat that could have been real or faux chinchilla. She wasn’t fat but had quite a bit of heftiness to her. It was frightening, and it turns out she came to talk to me about my “ financial debts”. Currently I’m not in any. Other than the money for the camera I owe to pm. But that aside. As she told me what she was here for through my glass doors, I remember feeling that familiar feeling of “having to pay debt” or “financial strain converging” and I remember trying to put on something to wear to go out into the balcony to speak to her, only I couldn’t move fast enough. It was like I was hard pressed to make swift movements, like elastic bands were pulling on my limbs as I tried to dress up or rummage through my wardrobe for clothes. I remember thinking to myself that even though I was wearing unpressed and casual home clothes I should put on some bright pink lipstick to give the impression that Appearing more put together. Lip stick with shoddy clothes does that I like to think. It sends the message that you CHOSE to wear these shoddy garments yourself and it wasn’t due to lack of style or preparation. Looking looking through my handbag was my pink lippy was a chore because of that elastic pull feeling of my limbs and fingers but I found it at the bottom of my bag and through the stiffness resistance to open it and apply it on my lips.
The woman outside that climbed over my balcony wall in my imagination, was Ruth from the book, or at least was the picture of what Ruth‘s character might look like.
It was an unsettling dream though I’m not sure exactly why since nothing violent happened. Probably the fact of seeing someone climb over my balcony that was the scariest part. “Ruth” also had a overbearingness about her though she was gentle enough and spoke softly. And then any conversation regarding the state of my personal finances, always makes me uneasy.
Odd one for a dream ay.