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Stuck In the thoughts
This day that year was my wedding. It would have been my wedding anniversary yesterday if I had gotten married. I'm sure V has no fucking idea abt it because he gives damn about everything about us. Even I do but some where it still is in my heart. I know marrying him wouldn't have made me happy because of the situation but if we both have been strong and supportive nothing would have made us weak. He is still in my heart, mind, in things in my day and night. Heartbreak is really bad. My nerves goes weak I still know details of his eyes face his hands, his voice still in my ears and his feel of touch still brings goosebumps. How we would have celebrated our anniversary 😂 that would also have been sad. It's good that are not hitched. I think nothing would have been good. His thoughts just doesn't leave me and my mind. Rather it calms me. When I am ideal or even in work I try to recollect our time spent together I discuss it everyday with mom abt us and she laughs and feel sorry for me silently.
He doesn't even try to jus peek in my life. I like to cry in his memories I feel alive really. It may sound dramatic but when I cry on us I feel good. O crave for his hugs so badly and I hate myself for that. But I feel like one last time pls come and hug me and care for me like u did. Ask me if I'm ok, ask me abt my life without you. Bother abt me let me see that in your eyes and let me see that intense love care in your eyes for me for us. Cake me with your hands by patting on my head and caressing my back. Give me assurance that everything will be fine. Let's laughter together just for last time. And leave me properly not like coward. If given a chance would you do that? Would you love me again and give me importance?? Treat me like you treat your family? Or you'll exclude me like am replacable once again.
Oh dear.... My all these thoughts are vain. I know nothing good is coming my way for us. Sadness has enveloped and all I think is about a yr ago when everything wasn't perfect but better than now.
What should I look back and want that time back or should I look forward and pave a good path?? You never know what is stored in future is it a bad or good.
Thanks dairy for listening my bakwas...
Cya i have to bath and do lunch