Sonja

Beauty in Darkness
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2020-11-20 01:23:05 (UTC)

Let it be

I spent some time with Christopher today after work. We ordered takeout and talked a bit about work, held hands, kissed here and there. Normal stuff.

For a moment, I imagined being in a serious relationship with him. His girlfriend. The thought excited me in a way, but not in the way it should.

We're compatible. He makes up for what I lack and vice versa. And don't get me started on the sex. It's beyond amazing.

But... There's always a but.

Today, he told me to spend tomorrow, my day off, with him. Another demand.
I had plans for tomorrow so I told him maybe Saturday.
It happened fast. If I'd blinked, I would've missed it.
His jaw ticked and there was a flash of anger. And just like that, my walls came back up.
Hell, I felt it.
I heard the click.

The old me would've done everything to please him.Today, for some reason, I just couldn't do it. Christopher tried to mask his anger with a smile, but I saw it. And it was enough for me to take a few steps back.

The rest of our dinner was uneventful and somewhat uncomfortable. I could see he wanted to say something, but luckily he kept quiet.

He made it clear tonight that he didn't want me to have my freedom. Although he did not say those exact words, his facial expressions gave him away. He wanted more and he wanted it now.
And that is why I put an end to our 'agreement'. We're no longer exclusive.
He's my boss and only my boss. As it should be.

I don't think I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life. But, experience has taught me what to avoid for my own protection.

It is what it is.

When I got home I put my phone on charge and saw the date flash on my screen. My ex husband asked me to marry him ten years ago today.

Fucking fabulous.

Fuck you Karma!

I'm thinking about moving. Out of this house, away from the memories, I guess.
This house is too big for me and Claire doesn't live here anymore. Maybe I should start looking now. I'd be out by next month, ready to start a new year in a new place. Not a bad idea, eh?

Lastly,

I befriended someone on this site a few days ago and I just found out today that she lives in my city. We're about 40 km apart but we're in the same fucking city!


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