All that is
I'm reading Jordan Peterson's 12 rules of life right now. I'm also reading the lives and loves a she devil. Both very good books. I read one of the two every night before bed (or at least i try to), and so far have been relatively consistent. I read out loud so that I can train my vocabulary and my speech. Public speaking has always had this allure for me, but is also terrifying. I get nervous. so nervous. sometimes i go totally blank. I don't feel ready unless i've memorised whole paragraphs word for word and if at any point in my delivery i go off script, then it trips everything else and i forget how to get back on track. but i'm learning more now that when you're interested in the topic at hand, geniunely it just comes to you. and then the only thing perhaps that needs brushing up on is just verbal fluency, learning all the words you need to express what you want to say, exactly how you want to say it. I think what else i need to do is listen to as many skin/detox/health podcasts as possible. to get a sense and a feel of the texture and kind of language they use, so that i can build my familiarity with it.
I'm so happy with the progress i'm making. I brought up jordan peterson, because one of the things he talks about is how progress is the source of happiness for humans. being able to see progress being made. and it really is. beforehand i wouldn't embark on something for fear that i wouldn't be able to get it done, or just the knowledge that it was going to be a 'long, arduous, slow process', would put me off. but when i started focussing on progress each day, rather than perfection it became easier. i've started to accept that every day, you just have to do something that'll get you closer to the 'end goal'. and some days it can feel like ive ran around in circles and have only made incremental steps forward. but then there are some other days where something of larger progress will happen to reveal to me that those days where it felt like i was stuck in a rut on the same task, or chasing my tail, or only had a minimal step forward, have actually led to the bigger progress, and it wasn't a waste. and that's a really good feeling. like today, right now. I've just set up my paystack account after filling out loads of forms with information i wasn't sure i would even be able to provide. but it turns out that all the cac registration, corporate bank registration, business email address, website etc., all those things that i did a couple of months ago that at the time felt mundane and inconsequential have now come together nicely to make allow me to set up my paystack account. i just received an email confirming that i will be able to receive payment online now. Amazing!! The payment part of building my site was for sure the most daunting for me. and now it seems that i'm half way to completing it. I just need to embed it on my website, and then work on the softer elements like the persuasive copy etc.
I'm so grateful to be at this point. thank god.