Forever missing you

Dear Benny
2020-11-17 23:15:12 (UTC)

Day 30

You've let me down again. Thrown me away. Told me I wasn't important enough. Made it is bleakly clear that you are not mature enough to care about the people that care about you if they are not around right now. I've cried over you again today, but I'm finally done. A year of this has been enough. When I finally thought we were done you pulled the same shit again and still you try and claim you care. And maybe you do, but not enough, and not like I need you to. So I'm done. I'm done looking for you to take care of me when I'm down. I'm done looking for comfort in a place where half the time there is none. I'm fucking done with loving you. No, I can't stop loving you, but for once in this god damn human relationship, in this friendship that means so much to me, I'm done looking for you to love me back. I'm going to work to make my life better. I don't give a damn about what everyone else wants from me I'm doing what I need for myself. I'm going to do it. I'm going to get out of here and finally start my life because I am so done with having no freedom. With falling apart because I can't even state an opinion without my entire being being attacked. So I'm going to do it and get out of here. I'm not going to stop till I succeed. Not in the way you always told me to not give up but go above and beyond that and for the first time in my life believe in myself all the way and demand what I deserve. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to make it. We're both stubborn as hell, remember? I'm going to make it, and in six months or a year I'll be there. I won't be there for you though, in fact I kind of want to do it to spite you. You'll forgive me, you always do. If by then you still care, and I still can't help loving you, maybe I'll let you in again. But for now, I'm on my own. On my own and finally willing to accept that I have worth far beyond what I have been made to believe my entire life. I have worth as an individual with opinions, and I have the potential to do something great if I stop fucking caring about what everyone else thinks all the time. So yeah, goodbye for now. Maybe you leaving has been the best thing to happen to me in a while.

It stings when you give someone your everything and they can't give you the minimum which you need in return




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