All that is
Ad 2:
2020-11-10 22:40:21 (UTC)


Today felt rushed but I still feel like I made a good go at it. Was doing some work abd said let me go to the toilet, as I sat down on the loo I started hearing a sound like air leaking. I realise i could smell gas and that the gas pipe was leaking. I was shocked. Gas scares me. I scrambled around opening windows and then Flicker some switches trying to turn off my gas cooker from the main switch. While doing so I accidentally switched on the extractor fan which has been faulty and tends to trip off the main breaker. And that’s exactly What happened. Main breaker was tripped. Of course I didn’t know what the cause was at the time. Turns out the guy who lives directly below me was responsible for the gas leak while he was testing something. Anyway I went to his flat, told him that my electrical were off as a result of the and he managed to call an electrician who fixed it for me. But during that window when I thought my electricity was fucked again, I was catapulted to that state I was in back between April and July where it was just upset and rage all the time screaming at people to fix my light. Made me remember how despite the fact that I’ve been feeling more balanced the last couple of days due to this mindfulness work I’m doing, it can still take a sudden unexpected fuck Up to spoil my flow. So im not there yet, because I’m still vulnerable to that. I will do more work to focus on how I react to external stimuli, or to be mindful of it in relation to how I’m feeling inside. Let that inside feeling be what guides my emotional reaction to external stimuli not the other way around.

Based on some thoughts I’ve had this evening while on the phone with emchi- Some other faulty beliefs I’m currrntly still holding on to are:
Everyone is against me
No one is on my side
Everyone is waiting to “expose” me
if they’re nice, They are just throwing me bones, doing me a favour

I managed to work out despite this hiccup and felt good about that. Just low intensity, body resistance stuff. Cooked a really nice dinner too. Talked to Adam on the phone. He’s really happy. He cracked up when I told him my story about the nollywood shakedown day I had.

Tomorrow I want to expedite progress, contentment and peace, Overcoming challenge.