god i love getting my feelings hurt
sometimes I think I have a ..
sometimes I think I have a substance problems. I mean i can’t be sober for long without my thoughts intruding and making me feel like a miserable little shit. awwww how sad the 18 year old doesn’t know how to cope so she drinks and does drugs :( but seriously life sober is so incomplete in a way. I don’t feel fulfillment. I don’t not feel complete. neither when I’m on drugs or drunk but it’s easier to hide it when im not really here mentally you know. the hole isn’t really as big. it is but i can’t feel or see it. I don’t know what I’m doing with my time. I feel like I’m just a mass taking up space. i should be be content you know I have a job im taking classes I have a loving boyfriend so why doesn’t that seem enough why can’t i be content enough to stop smoking and have a clear head for a day or two. it doesn’t even feel like I’m alive most of the time. just breathing and contributing to society