Forever missing you

Dear Benny
2020-11-01 23:11:18 (UTC)

Day 14

Have you ever thought about drowning yourself in a bathtub? If I asked that to any average person the resonating overall response would be no. You, however, have considered it. I know because you scared me that day so much that I made you call me on the way home. Well, I ask because I just considered it. It's all too easy to do when you get caught in the melancholy of a bath, in all of its warmth and glory. It doesn't help if your mind was in shambles to begin with. But I guess that's what happens when you don't sleep. I more than considered it, actually. I lay down with my head all the way flat against the bottom prepared to play a game of chance with death and hold my breath. Don't worry, the water wasn't deep enough. I wouldn't have held my breath long anyway, it's not death I was looking for but the exhilaration of it all. No one's ever killed themselves because of melancholy anyway. and even if they had the likelihood of holding your breath long enough to pass out under water, and then not float immediately up and start breathing again once you do, while in a standard bathtub is incredibly low. I know what brought the melancholy about, I've been slowly going mad. You see we're not allowed to go anywhere so I haven't been really talking to anyone. On top of that I'm drowning in school work. Finally, as if it weren't bad enough, I can't ever sleep. It's like solitude madness except for the added responsibilities, wine, and paranoia. I've always been crazy according to you, but I think I've finally gone mad. Like hatter mercury poisoning mad.




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