Experienced Life
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2020-11-01 11:57:18 (UTC)

Ok, I'm at my limit! 😤

I've been out of my normal routine long enough. Not talking about work. Taking the time off of work is actually pretty nice. I got lots accomplished with my time off. What I'm talking about is my idle time away from the gym. It's happening soon but my mind is collapsing into that crappy dark place again. Starting to do and think about the past and that is not good. Regrets are starting to fill my head. Past relationships that I know is good that we ended is starting to come up with it's own story of maybe it wasn't good to be apart. All the good chemicals that gets released when working out has pretty much ran dry from about three months of doing crap. I know my mind is becoming unstable with self pity and other negative things. I should be clear to workout again in less than two weeks but I think it's been long enough and will start up again sooner than that.

Maybe this is just a little bump on the road but I don't like where my head is right now. This isn't me. Well, it may have been way back in the past but it shouldn't be me now. I learned so much and went through so much to just fall flat on my face again. I could blame Covid. It may have some small part to do with it but I know it's 90% due to not doing my crossfit and the mingling of people while doing crossfit. Damn!! I hope I don't have to have anymore surgeries at least in the near future. I don't even have cool dreams. I only get nightmares of my ex wife and how she used to screw me over. Not something I'd want anyone else to dream about.

I'm smarter than this. I know that. Just at times I'm so tired and exhausted.