from my heart
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2020-10-28 04:59:28 (UTC)

i love reed

5:59 am
it is very late and early in the morning. i should be asleep by now because i have to wake up in 4-5 ish hours to go to work.

i havent reallt done anything productive. just lazy’d around all day and went to a seafood restaurant. it was really delicious and the server, polly, was super nice. on my way home my mom made me drive and i think im getting better at driving. i cant wait till julie and i get to go to cafes together and bond more

ive been sad whenever i think of reed lately. i have been trying to numb my emotions out but whenever he would tell me that he loves me or misses me id feel like crying. i am not sure why i feel that way but it makes it harder to talk to him because its hard to act okay around him sometimes.

im glad that reed is in my life because hes always there for me. sometimes i want to push him away because i feel like a nuisance and i feel like im just another burden. another weight on someones back. but im glad im selfish whenever i think about pushing him away because my selfishness prevents me from breaking up with him. i dont know what i would do without reed in my life because i love him so much and because hes also the only person i talk to every single day.

i guess thats also why i get sad when he stops being as affectionate towards me is because i feel some sort of a withdrawal type feeling. i know he doesnt stop loving me but im just so good at convincing myself lies. thats why when he says affectionate and loving things it starts to hurt because its that type of feeling when im not okay and somebody asks me if i am.

hard to explain. but yes i love reed so much.

i also bought an expensive wig today so i am pretty excited about that

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