Ad 2:
2020-10-26 06:22:34 (UTC)

no lyrics are the best

Sometimes I feel like writing poetry helps me feel at ease. Lately though, I don't have a subject to write about. I can always write about my ex. Let me tell you, six years provides a well of content. Maybe I can start there to get things rolling.

"Sitting by the window
All-day thinking of you
Watching the days go by"
How true those lyrics feel
As I'm caught
like a fish on your reel
Or a video that keeps replaying
I still think about you
I can't seem to escape
When can I see you again
I sang all the time
When can my heartbeat again
I thought about you
When does you'll get over it begin?

We use to listen to the sweetest music about each other
immortalized in those songs are our sweet memories
and snipets of joy and pure innocent love
It's like bathing in a warm bath when I think back

until I try to connect it to reality
then it's back to the cold cabin in the lush woods
and the realities of work and responsibilities

that's why it's great to listen to music where there are no lyrics or words that I understand.

I just realized that the song Don't Change was something he listened to after we lost our virginity to each other. It was his first and my true first. He felt a certain devotion to me and wanted things to never change, to immortalized time. I wanted to immortalize that time only when we were together... when we were not together I wanted to either see him or be set free.

I always fall into this rabbit hole of thinking about my ex. We lead completely separate lives and I don't want to ever get back together. I just can't shake all those damn memories. I should really stop thinking about him. I'm going to make a serious effort to not write about him anymore---in essence not replaying those memories so they can fade. I'm sure they have faded for him, but then again he did keep all the stuff I gave him for years after we broke up. I got rid of everything... except one picture. It reminds me that I made him happy. It was the happiest picture I have of him... a huge smile pointed solely at me. I think I have to let that picture go... It's hard because it reminds me that I did make someone tremendously happy at one time.

It's like I enjoy thinking about him and then I very quickly don't enjoy thinking about him. So I should stop...

Life is hard
Sometimes you win
Sometimes you lose
Life is hard

I wrote something like that when I was 11 years old.... apparently published somewhere in something. What I would I write now?

Life is what you focus on
The unattainable goals you set
The satisfaction you never feel
Because you set out to never achieve
Any achievable goals
To never have anything to feel good about
So you think -- The one unattainable goal
Will make everything right

Nothing will ever be right
Because you never fix anything

I haven't had anything to feel good about lately.... that's the problem.