Subtropical Lady

October 2020 (2)

10/13/2020 Tuesday 3:41 a.m.

Sometimes I still have to write just for me, and this will be one of those entries. When I told Aly I was sorry Cam is sad about losing Peachy and to remember that there will be other pets to love and care for, instead of getting, “Thanks for your kind words” I get, “I know you mean well, but ouch. Maybe we see/feel the loss of pets differently? Plus, Cam is going through several letdowns all at once which just has him taking things even harder right now.”

Ugh, while I love my friend Aly, I hate how fucking sensitive she is! I can just imagine the tweets I'd be reading about if she hadn't disabled her other account once she either realized I knew about the account or she got tired of Molly's whiny tweets. If she dumps me a second time, even though I would prefer to remain friends for the rest of my life, it will be the last time she ever does so because I won't take her back into my life. Again, I would prefer she always be in my life but if not, it wouldn't be 100% bad because then I would be able to write more freely without worrying that I'm offending her fragile feelings and might even make most of my journals public as long as I weed out last names that aren't public figures, especially in entries less than 3 years old.

I don't think she'll dump me again any time soon, though. I hope not. But yeah, if you ask me what I like least about her it's that she's overly sensitive and takes things wrong or too personally at times. I realize she's also a lot younger. The older we get, the less sensitive we get and the less hard things hit us like losing pets because even if it still hits hard enough, we've been through it more times by the time you get in your 50s and all that.

I guess how high you get your HR and for how long really matters when it comes to weight loss. I can see where walking, even briskly, wouldn't be enough but it's better than doing no cardio at all. Now that I finally have my energy back, we'll be going for a walk this morning.

Not sure if my triple-head toothbrush is cleaning as well as the other one but I guess I'll find out when I have my next dental checkup. I also don't like the way it rattles against my teeth although I'm getting a little better at avoiding that.

Made a bracelet with the crystal beads. Very shiny. I made a list of things I plan to make for myself and for Aly, assuming Little Miss Sensitive doesn't dump me. The more I think about her response, the ruder it seems but I'm prepared to drop it unless she brings it up again.

Wow, we're going to have temperatures in the 90s. Global warming really is for real.

Not only am I not happy about the conservative Justice replacing Ginsburg, but I don't like how Trump went up a percent on the national “pie” while Biden stayed the same. Still think Biden will win. Can't wait for Trump to be out of the picture so I don't have to hear about the bastard so damn much. There's nothing more frustrating than hearing about people and subjects you're either sick of or you don't like or agree with over and over again.

Dreamed I was dancing for as long as I could hold my schedule and that was barely longer than a week. I didn't get my pay right away. I guess in this place you didn't get your tips in cash each night. I didn't know Tom and my parents were still alive. Guess I was living with them. I don't know how I had been surviving before, but I was low on money and fearing I would have to end it all to keep from starving in the streets.

It was some time before I was able to pick up my pay and I remembered breaking a dumpster somehow by accident while I was working and feared I would be charged for that and that the owner/boss would take the money out of my check. Also, I had two rats that I left there for some crazy reason and hoped that they had been well-cared for while I was gone.

One or both of my parents eventually drove me to pick up my check. I was right about the money being taken for the broken dumpster, which was $1,600, leaving me with only $51.

“Well, this will buy me a week of life,” I said to my mother with a hopeless sigh.

Then I spotted a dancer I had gotten along well with during my week there. She seemed just as excited to see me at first when I spotted her on the other side of a crowded pool, and we waved to each other. But then she didn't exactly return the embrace when I went to hug her.

Then I finally got to see my rats. Since some time had passed, I expected them to look really old and not have much energy. Instead, I found them looking not that bad at all and running around happily in a large wooden crate. I was glad to see they had so much space.

10/14/2020 Wednesday 3:26 a.m.

Trump dropped back down 1%, so that’s good.

Slept for 6 hours after being up for 20 hours, so naturally, I'm tired just like I knew I would be. I knew having great energy yesterday was a rare treat and that because of it I would be up forever. So sick of going back and forth like this!

My old neighbor Stephan killed his wife in my latest Calms Forte nightmare and was going to kill me too until he decided he liked me too much and that I would keep my mouth shut. Only I wasn't as terrified as nightmares usually leave you. When dreams get that scary you automatically wake up. Yet I stayed asleep long enough to wonder just what kind of forensic evidence may be traced.

It started with me being with him and his wife in his house which looked a lot like our house. I was in the master bedroom and could hear them arguing in the hall. I could tell Stephan was on the verge of harming his wife. With the guy being well over 6 feet and me not feeling well at the time, I wasn't in a position to defend the woman. Yet for some reason, I valued her life more than mine and told Stephan, who had begun to strangle the woman, to leave her alone and strangle me instead.

Leaving the woman crouched in the corner of the kitchen, he came toward me, placed his hands on my shoulders as if he was going to do just that, and then told me to go chill in the other room. So I did that while he finished off his wife.

Suddenly, we were living in my first childhood home and were upstairs on the second floor when he was telling me about his plans to get rid of the body. I was amazed that he trusted me to keep his secret and wondered if the cops might spray luminol if they decided to search for blood. Assuring me no one would ask questions and not learn anything we didn’t tell them, he threw his dead wife in the trunk and left. Then I went to see if there was any blood in the first place since I was pretty sure he strangled her.

I feel like total shit today and not just because I'm tired. I have bad heartburn and nausea which began at the end of my day yesterday. I think it was the crab cakes I ate. Too greasy. They sure were good, though. I thought maybe I had too many chips yesterday but after having the last of the crab cakes today, I got worse again, so it’s definitely that.

Tom got these plant-based hot dogs to try and we both agree that they're absolutely horrible as hell.

He was worried he might have gotten the virus because he had a couple of days of the runs, headaches, and a fever of 99. Luckily, he came to realize it was the bananas that gave him the runs, the headache was just a headache, and he was probably just hot flashing. Apparently, even guys do this at times. It was the thermometer that touches the skin that said he was 99. When he used the oral thermometer, he was fine.

My once impeccable memory is getting so bad! I was reading back in one of my '90s journals about how we had to push our car the last block home in Phoenix after being out somewhere because of a broken axle yet I have no recollection of this at all. He remembers it, though. I do remember stalling in Oregon a decade later and a couple of guys jumping out of their car to push us off to the side which I thought was very nice of them.

Today he's going to have to replace Candy’s battery. Not sure if he's going to take it in to be replaced or have someone come out to the house. He'll have to call around and see.

I was kind of pissed at first to see that Walmart no longer lets you choose which items you want to be subbed if they don't have them. Now, they send you an e-mail right before they're going to deliver telling you what they're out of and asking if they can sub it with a particular item and you either allow it or not. Since he's able to be available beforehand, it's actually better because then we don't get unwanted subs.

We dove into Prime Day yesterday and decided to get a few treats. I looked up Prime Day nail polish strips and beads and will soon have 17 new sets of nails and two different new types of beads. European beads and bugle seed beads.

Margaret the millionaire is still alive after all. Guess she had to get a new computer.

I was SOOO glad to learn that there are not only some parks in Florida that don't allow pets but also some that don't allow motorcycles! That's a huge relief to know! I would love that even if I was always up during the daytime but it's especially important when you're sometimes not and you're the lightest sleeper in the world.

10/15/2020 Thursday 4:40 a.m.

Got my worst sleep score yet of 83 yet I had enough energy to do both strength training and cardio. The freeway, planes, and people’s barking mutts really do know how to spoil an otherwise peaceful walk, don’t they? The commercials are getting annoying as fuck again in the early mornings. I swear we are so done with this shit when we get out of here!

Tom showed me a video demo on Acoustablok, and wow! It’d cost a couple of grand to soundproof a room when we get settled, but since the law isn’t going to do the right thing and make vehicles quieter and ban boom car stereos, it will be totally worth it. Besides, there are other sounds that have been around forever that can get annoying. I would be interested even if I always slept at night. If we do stay in Florida, it would be a great way to be able to sleep through thunderstorms.

Yesterday was kind of a wasted day because I was not only tired but also sick with heartburn and nausea. The crab cakes I had were either too greasy or just bad somehow. Luckily, it’s now worked its way out of my system. Still feel a little nauseous when I eat, though.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm getting early Alzheimer’s even though it would be highly unusual. When your husband tells you that you accidentally left the burner on the stove, along with all the other shit you've been forgetting, it really makes you wonder. Sometimes I can't even fucking speak right. As much as I have a great knack for beating the odds when it comes to bad things, I sure hope not!

Not impressed with the first set of Prime Day nails I got but hey, they were just $7. This one includes 7 sets. If you have wide nails that are longer than I'm willing to let mine grow, the designs will show up better. I’m learning that certain designs definitely need more space in order to be able to decipher what they are. Just like with the ocean scene from another brand, you can't tell that there are waterdrops on a gradient background. They still look cool but I'm not going to get this brand again. They’re too big for me and need to be trimmed down and are the thinnest strips I've ever worked with which means they tear easily and don't hide ridges. You could practically tear the ends off without filing them but in doing so you get jagged edges. The flower design won't be evident on my nails either. The water droplets mostly look like random splashes of blue, pink and purple which is still nice.

It's too soon to judge the merlot shampoo. You can see traces of a deep coppery red on top of my head, but I don't know that it's going to do a good job covering the gray. It might be best to stick with traditional dye, but I don't know yet.

My right forearm had a rash when I stepped out of the shower, but it didn't hurt and it cleared up in just a few minutes.

Next door had their garage light on all night. Still have no idea what's going on over there and I still hope she doesn't move before we do.

Walmart made subs even easier. Now we not only get to tell them what they can sub but they give you a list of choices and you can either choose something or tell them not to sub it at all. Now they just have to stop begging for tips!

The critical virus cases are climbing lightning fast and we realize that even though it would be easier on us, it may not be safe to fly out of here. If the vaccine isn't available by the time we're ready to move, we certainly wouldn't want to sit on a plane for 6 hours with masks on. Besides, no one could keep it on continuously since they would want to eat and drink at some point. It would be much easier for me to fly and I know he hates driving, but we may have to drive there to keep safe. No way to know for sure until it gets close to moving time which way we're going but it's 50/50 at this point. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if we couldn't fly because that’s what I want. Like things would really go my way?

We would still go through Nebraska because I-80 is the best route to take at that time of year. That's the freeway that goes by our house. If we were moving in the winter, then it would be best to go across the southern states. I would love to finally meet my cyberfriend of 12 years but there's just no way to know for sure at this time what things will be like in another 6 months or so. Both options have their pros and cons, and I don't want to get my hopes up for either one.

We sure went to see her in my dreams! We would never show up anywhere unannounced, but we did more than that. She was napping on the couch in her living room and we decided to let ourselves in and make ourselves comfortable until she woke up. She was curled up on one end of her couch with her knees drawn up, giving Tom room to sit on the other end of the couch. I was slowly walking around since I'm the restless type.

Then she slowly started waking up and squinted sleepily at us. “Recognize me?” Tom asked with a smile.

“Tom?” she said.

We both nodded and I said, “Yeah, it’s really us! We’re here!”

Angrily, she said, “Oh, no. No, no, no,” and then she jumped up and ran into another room. We waited for a few minutes and then I decided we should probably leave. So we stepped outside, me being surprised at how similar the weather seemed that day compared to back in NorCal.

LOL.

Aly is such a bullshiter. But that's okay. I'm bullshiting right back. She found my private account and blocked it. I don't know why, but it really bothers me when people block my accounts. Especially when they do it just so they can have their fucking “privacy” while still being public.

More than likely, after the stupid moment I had where I messaged Molly pretending to be someone else, Molly told her about it and then Aly used a paid search to find my email was still plugged into it. I knew I should have pulled the damn email out! I may have been too late, though. Once it's been used to create an account, it may not matter if it's ever changed or not.

I totally believe she has a monthly plan where she pays about 15 bucks to look for people's social media accounts and God knows what else. I'm almost positive that's what she meant when she told Molly she could always find out who was behind whatever account was harassing her. Someone was posing as a celebrity she's a fan of. Also, who knows how many sites Aly may have hacked if she knew she could get away with it.

So even though Aly is usually too smart to fool, I claimed that someone used a couple of my email addresses to create a couple of accounts with and then her newest Twitter account that's not connected to Molly disappeared and that's when I figured I only made things worse and convinced her all the more that my private account was indeed mine and that I was aware of her new account. I ended up deleting the account and creating a new one. I signed up with my phone number and pulled it out immediately, so we'll see how long it remains a secret.

I woke today to find Aly’s account back up so maybe she's not sure what to think. That is unless she hacks my journals. I probably should have not only not message Molly but kept my mouth shut altogether. I don't want to really get into lying to someone I consider a friend after all. That's her department. In fact, before she edited a message to me, she claimed she hasn't had a reason to do a paid search but again, I'm almost positive that's bullshit.

Looks like she's really getting fed up with Molly, not surprisingly. I told her she would never be a true friend any more than Kim ever would be. She tweeted: Bad things happen to everyone. Frequently trying to tear me down or remind me of things I have that you don't that are out of my control helps no one and makes me much less likely to be there for you in the future.

I know Molly has made her feel guilty in the past for still having a mother.

She also tweeted: I know exactly who my friends are and who I can trust and respect. Just because you're in my life doesn't mean we're friends. As they say, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!

Again, I'm almost certain this is pertaining to Molly. They now only keep in touch on Fitbit and through texting.

She also shared a meme she said she could relate to about those only being there when they needed her for something and tweeted: The fact that I can relate to this right now means I need to take a step back and rethink who I should really include in my life.

I'm wondering if Facebook did away with mutual blocking which is something they would do. I tried to block an account of Aly's that she blocked me from, and it won't let me. She doesn't appear to have used the account, though, since 2012.

She also tweeted: Everyone reaches their boiling point on certain subjects, well I've skyrocketed past mine on tolerance of those who think badly of the BLM movement. You know what? The world isn't black and white, idiots. You can't blame everyone within any type of group for the acts of some.

I'm probably one of the ones she's bitching about there but that's where she's too sensitive. Getting all hot and bothered over things people do such as taking away people's rights is one thing. But getting upset over people's opinions is another. If you're going to be upset over the fact that some people are going to have a different opinion on different things, you're going to have a hard life.

I realized after looking back in my journal and finding that my dedicated New Yorker started coming around in early 2018 that if I looked at the list of users that signed up around that time and then added them as a friend, sooner or later I'm going to hit her account. There are nearly 600 pages of users, each with 25 listed. Every few pages or so, I'll do a FO entry and see if she shows up on my tracker. Wonder what she'll think when she realizes she's been friended by me, LOL.

I'm setting alarms for the next 4 nights…3:30 a.m, 5:30 a.m., 7:30 a.m., 9 a.m. I find if I do that, I don’t wake up looking at the time as often. I still don't expect to sleep until 9 a.m. on appointment day, though.

10/16/2020 Friday 7:25 a.m.

Walmart surprised us by slipping some goodies into our order, nothing of which would interest Tom, LOL. Most of the gummi candy I didn't care for because they contained citrus flavors. I'm enjoying the passionfruit electrolyte drink mix now and at some point, I'll have the peach tea. There was also some Alka-Seltzer for heartburn and some coupons. We rarely use coupons anymore, though, because we don't shop in person.

I really do like this merlot shampoo. After we get to Florida, I’ll probably stop using regular dye, cut it up to my shoulders and switch to this stuff.

Decided that the triple-head toothbrush isn't the way to go after all. It just doesn't give me the deep clean my faster single-headed one does. Also, the brush is child-size which fits my mouth better. I felt like the triple-head wasn't getting the back teeth well enough and it was hard curving around toward the front teeth. I'd rather spend two minutes being thorough than one minute being half-assed. I also prefer a toothbrush that sits on a charger rather than one where I have to change batteries. So we ordered new toothbrush heads for my old one, though this triple-head one won't go to waste. It's perfect for cleaning my mouthguards.

Although everything is still up in the air and nothing is etched in stone, if this doll had a conscience she would be praying for that vaccine to come real soon because then she would get to live in Florida and delay being a sex slave until Aly could visit, LOL. I know it sounds silly and funny but seriously, if she had a conscious she'd be like, “OMG, hurry up, vaccine, so I don't have to go to a freezing cold climate and be a sex slave!”

Although this is strictly a guess, if I had to guess right now at this very instant what I think is going to happen, I'd say we are going to go out of here by ground. I just don't see a vaccine available to us by April or May. Things always take longer than expected.

I would be sure to take pictures of signs welcoming us to each state like Becky did when she moved from Connecticut to New Mexico. Yes, it would suck that we didn't get to fly which I love, and a cross-country road trip would be totally exhausting on me, but I would love to meet my bestie sooner than later regardless of climate. And happily pawn the doll off on her, LOL. I've got the heads and wigs all packed in a plastic bin. She could have that, a couple of outfits, jewelry, and even the robe and blanket I plan to wrap her in for protection. Plus she has a special cream for removing old makeup.

If we go by ground, I'll leave the vase of bamboos on the counter. I didn't want to take that vase anyway. Originally, I was going to give the two small ones in lavender and apple green to Mrs. Twenties, but they can go with us.

Maybe we could even take the pigs. They could be divided in the cage and placed just inside the U-Haul. At first I thought the car would be best and that we would just crack windows but in the U-Haul, they would be shielded from the sun. Since it's not like we're going into the desert, they shouldn't overheat. We would just have to bring food to them every so often. If they had to do without lettuce for the week to 10 days it took to get across, fine. As long as they have tomatoes. Lettuce wilts fast and carrots dry up, but tomatoes don't need refrigeration. So if we put in lots of them, they would feed them for a while and serve as their moisture since they won’t drink water. Yes, they would be terrified but when are they not? They’re prey animals. They're terrified of everything all the time. Although, Rockefeller has gotten very brave and friendly. We both can reach in and pat him without him running but he doesn't like to be picked up. Blitz will run unless he's being handed food.

But again, nothing is guaranteed or for certain at this point. Maybe we will be going out of here first class, I don't know. I just know we're done with flight paths! He found a site that shows every single plane and helicopter in real-time, so we know what areas to avoid when we move. After he calculated it, I was surprised to learn that they're actually closer to 8000 feet rather than 2000 feet when they're the closest to the house.

No Calms Forte nightmares. Just a weird dream where Ostrander and I slowly got to know each other online, sharing pics and stories of our lives. One of the pictures was of one of her daughters at age 15.

The question for me today is, “What would your response be if the president threatened you directly?”

Assuming it was done in front of others if it was verbal or where others could read it if it was in print, my response would be, “Dare to threaten me in a room with just the two of us alone?”

Lucky enough to have energy two days in a row, we went out walking again this morning. I should have taken my hoodie, though, because it was chilly, so we were only out for 15 minutes.

He's getting really good blood pressure readings lately since he's been exercising a lot more and reducing his sodium intake. He's hoping to eventually get his dosage lowered or to be able to stop the blood pressure medication altogether. That would certainly be easier on his liver. I'm proud of him for his consistency with the exercise. He's hoping it will help him be more active for another 20 years or so.

I can't plan specific days for certain exercises because my energy levels are hit or miss. I also can't lose weight because of my thyroid so I'm limited as to what I can do and when, but I do my best whenever possible. I know that being 30 pounds overweight is worse than being 5-10 pounds overweight but at least I didn't end up 50 or more pounds over and stuck there instead of where I'm at. Bad thyroid or not, I really am just a typical older person. I look a little heavy, yes, but healthy.

The bugle beads came yesterday and they're beautiful. Not going to do any beading today, though, because I want to save that for when I'm on nights so I have more to distract my mind from going places I don't want it going.

I got another set of nails yesterday. Two days ago I got that 7-set that's really thin and just so-so. Yesterday I got a 10-set that's a pretty good brand and fits well. These designs are nice but not the greatest. I actually put on a set of deep green glitter I've had for a while.

I have a single set I’m still waiting on. Purple and red roses on a pink background.

Twitter was having problems yesterday where some profiles couldn't be fully accessed and sometimes not at all. That explains why I thought on two separate occasions that Aly deactivated.

10/17/2020 Saturday 2:08 p.m.

The plan to flush out my New York follower is going to be put on hold until before the move. That's where I start friending everyone who joined in late 2017 on up which is around the time, she started reading me. Eventually, I should snag that account even if I can never quite narrow it down exactly. But this will give me an idea of who it might be. I plan to go FO at that time anyway until we get settled.

I was all ready to say, “fuck it” and the journal entries to the termites. After all, they weren’t worried about sending me stuff so why should I worry about sending them stuff? But like it or not, I am the one with the record whether it’s pure underserved bullshit or not and whether I was vindicated in the end or not. If she really went to the pigs last year, it would sound better if she went to them after I sent the excerpts saying that the last time she heard from you was a couple of years ago rather than just last year. It hasn't even quite been a year.

I was beginning to wonder if we’d need heat at all this month which would be a first, but it looks like we’re going to drop into the 40s at night in a week from now.

Wondering if my calcium supplements are one reason I'm having random spells of heavy fatigue. It's really weird and doesn't seem to have much predictability or pattern. I thought I slept okay yet woke up tired. So I ended up napping for an hour and woke up refreshed enough to take care of the laundry, dishes and animals. Then, around the time I took a calcium supplement, I was horribly fatigued. I didn't nap but I laid around quite a bit. Eventually, the fog lifted.

Had a few seconds of what might’ve been A-fib this morning too.

A nurse from Dr. A’s office called yesterday saying that she wants to spend more time with me (I’m less than flattered), and I guess in the morning is when they schedule just 15 minutes per patient. So he asked if I could come in at 2:30 and I said yes. At first I thought he was calling to cancel and I was like OMG, please don't do this to me now! It's not urgent but I just want to get it over with.

Finally got my voter card in the mail yesterday so as soon as I get my ballot, I'll vote and mail it in. Not going to register to vote in Florida because that will allow them to summon me for jury duty. His research says they're very strict about showing up for that and I’ve never wanted to do jury duty, schedule or not.

He said he found the perfect house for us, LOL. A 3-story brick building on 2 acres that was once a school somewhere in Texas for 85k. That would be a lot of space! But it was in the city. I want to be with old folks or out in the country. I'm not doing the welfare bums, college kids, stormin’ Mormons, and the Brady bunch again. At least not so close to us, anyway.

Forgot all about that fucking Neighborhood Awareness parade that was on for today. First I heard a few seconds of what sounded like a siren and then horns honking. I thought the car alarm was going off and then I opened the back door to see a bunch of carts going around the circle. I probably would have been able to sleep through it as I don't think it would have overridden the sound machines but it's so fucking stupid. All they're doing is risking people's health, masks or not, and making a racket. It only lasted for a few minutes though.

Okay, I'm almost officially done with permanent hair dye. I've got two more boxes of brown dye. I'll use them up during the time we've got left here and then I'll be switching to the new stuff. I washed it today and I still see traces of merlot. It would really be better if I went all-gray because then I would be able to get even coverage and also be able to use a wider variety of colors than as a brunette. Don’t think I’m all-gray yet, though.

10/18/2020 Sunday 5:05 p.m.

Wasn't going to do an entry today but I'm sure I'll have enough to update on after my appointment tomorrow, so this way I don't get too backed up and overwhelmed with too much to cover at once.

Got some more beads yesterday and I'm really acquiring a good selection and styles rather quickly! I've got clasp beads, toggle clasps, bugle beads, seed beads, glass beads, European beads, lava beads, and these really cool pony beads. They look like translucent plastic in regular indoor lighting, but they actually turn different colors outside in the sunlight. Furthermore, they glow in the dark. So they're pretty versatile and fun. I also got silver bangles and stoppers, but I haven't gotten any spacer beads yet. I have some but they're too small for my bangles.

Aly's back to being moody. I guess she still has PMS even though she doesn't have a uterus. She’d have to have a full hysterectomy to get rid of those symptoms. She’s got this thing about weekends. She feels alone and depressed no matter what’s going on.

She says what she thinks is best to say to me on Skype and then what she really has in mind on her secret Twitter account. I guess she somehow thinks I think she's stupid or reckless when I told her I worried about her getting the virus, and of course I don't and that's not what I meant. She did thank me for my concern, however. Not saying she's going to get it for sure, but she is around more people than I am. But yes, I know she has common sense and isn't an idiot or anything like that.

I'm doing all I can to make sure she doesn't catch on that I'm aware of her latest account because I really like knowing what's really on her mind and what she doesn't have the guts to tell me directly. I guess she just wants to keep the peace.

Anyway, Tom showed me that old school that's for sale in Cisco, Texas. It's actually going for a hundred and 124k. It's old and completely dumpy inside but OMG! It's nearly 10k square feet! Oh, the things we could do with that much space. The monthly payments would only be a little over $500. That's less than half of what we pay here. However, they do get a dusting of snow so that was a big turn-off right there. The place has been on the market for over a year so maybe if Florida doesn't work out and it's still available, it might be a good backup.

Also found a great place in central Florida with hardly anyone around and a beautiful 2019 house but the catch to that one is that it's not even 1000 square feet.

There was a bigger 1979 place that was also appealing close to the coast. I just hope all these ideal places - or that are close enough to ideal - will be available when the time comes! Tom's been looking regularly to get an idea of what's around and how often and where and feels confident there will always be something.

I can't wait! Yes, it's going to be hard on me and there's a lot of work to do and the whole thing seems pretty overwhelming because long-distance moves are always a disaster but I'm ready and excited at the same time. At least this time we have money coming in regularly and he doesn't have to scramble to find a full-time job.

10/20/2020 Tuesday 2:23 p.m.

My appointment went well yesterday, and I realize that I'm going to miss Dr. A just like I’ll miss Dr. N. Wasn't sure what to think when I first started with her but now I'm very comfortable with her and she knows me well.

I am briefly but cautiously going to begin the lowest dose of Simvastatin.

I told her I took it for about 6 months in 2014 before I started seeing her and was on 20mg at the time. Due to my phobia, she wants to start me at 10 milligrams. I'm nervous about it but also proud of myself for finally being brave enough to take that step before I get the misfortune of having a stroke or a heart attack. It took over half a decade after being so deeply traumatized to get up the guts to do this. Tomorrow he'll pick up both of my meds and his blood pressure medication all at once from Walmart, so we’ll be set for a while. The doc said not to drink during the first few days on the medication. I forgot to ask if it can be taken at the same time my thyroid meds are taken so Tom will ask the pharmacist. And make sure the levothyroxine is the right brand, of course.

Backing up to the beginning of the appointment, I met with a dumb but definitely the funniest nurse ever. He was dumb in that he was trying to tell me COVID was highly exaggerated and all that and that the death count is way lower than it really is. We believe he's wrong and that it's actually the other way around. The world death count is currently listed as over 1 million, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually over 2 million. You can’t always know if someone had COVID that died of something else right as they got it.

The funny part was when he said that none of his inmates has ever had COVID and I was like “inmates?” Then he apologized saying that he recently worked in a jail and was going to be going back to a jail in Placer County (as a nurse) and that he meant “coworkers,” haha.

My weight is the same, but my blood pressure was a little high, as expected. Funny how now that I'm no longer afraid of the electric BP cuff they go and use the old-fashioned one on me.

First the doctor went over my lab results with me and I asked about what I read about eggs not raising cholesterol levels. She said as long as I don't have more than one a day, I'm okay. I was glad to hear this because my dad was ordered to have just one egg a week. But then again, he already had serious heart issues. So now I can get half a dozen eggs a week in which one day I could make a 3-egg omelet and then my wonderfully scrambled eggs another day. *twirls with delight*

She listened to my heart and it sounded good. Felt my thyroid, listened to my lungs, that sort of thing.

I told her I thought I had some more unwanted friends, and she thinks the one on my stomach is just a bug bite, but she did, not surprisingly, spray my arm with liquid nitrogen. This time it stung a bit. Got to keep a Band-Aid on it for the rest of today and then tomorrow I can take it off. I’m sure it will get a little itchy as it heals but at least the stinging stopped pretty fast.

Just like last time, she told me the fatigue could be from multiple things including my thyroid. When we discussed my slightly elevated red cell blood count, I was surprised to learn that one of the things that can cause that is sleep apnea. So Tom was looking at our health metrics and found we both had a couple of shifts and variations in oxygen levels where something like that could have happened but as far as we're still both concerned, we do not have sleep apnea. We're still part of that study so if Fitbit sees anything funny with our hearts, sleep or anything, they’ll let us know and maybe even send us to a doctor that they’ll pay for.

I told her about the forgetfulness I've been experiencing and she says that too, can be caused by multiple things, though I seemed sharp-minded and able to recall things we've discussed in the past and that she can tell right away when someone's having serious memory issues by the way they keep repeating themselves and asking the same things during visits.

She knows that if all goes well, that was likely our second to last visit. Tom and I joked about her dreading seeing me because I've been fighting statins for so long, but she didn't give me that impression. If anything it was just the opposite and she told me twice it was good to see me. She did say that a lot of people wait until they have a stroke and since he's now semi-retired and we're going to be moving at all that, it would be nice for me to be able to enjoy it without having anything like that happen. I agree! No one wants to have a stroke. I remember how my paternal grandmother ended up paralyzed on the right side and couldn’t walk without dragging her right leg, could barely write or even hold a fork when eating.

I told her I was concerned that if I was one of the ones whose muscles were attacked that it would take months to recover and delay our move, but she said not necessarily. There are plenty of people who when they get pain, stop the medication and they're okay the next day. Well, hopefully I won't have any problems to begin with! If not, then I won't have to worry about my numbers or whether or not I'm going to die a little too young even though I wouldn't want to live forever either.

After she left, the nurse came back and gave me a flu shot which also stung. Usually, I don't feel anything. He said everyone else was complaining about that, though. I guess there was just something about this particular one. He said I’ll reach full immunity in two weeks and it will last for four months. Today it feels sore but only if I touch it. The area is warmer, too.

She always gives me a slip to give to them at the front desk when scheduling the next appointment. Tom laughed when I told him that after she wrote “thyroid” next to “follow-up,” she circled the 30 instead of the 15 for how many minutes she wanted to spend with me. They’d circle 5 for him if they could! LOL

So I have to go to the lab in January to have my cholesterol levels checked, to the dentist in February, to my ENT in March, back to Doc A in April, and then I'm done!

Relieved to have another appointment out of the way, we treated ourselves at Rite Aid to various goodies. We deserve to spoil ourselves every now and then. I ate so much! It's a miracle I didn't get sick. I had a beef stroganoff frozen dinner when I got home so I could have some real food in my stomach on top of the sugar and booze. I had over half a pint of coffee ice cream, 2 oz of cheese puffs, and 2 servings of wine. Just not all at once, of course. Again, I’m lucky I didn't get sick and I'm surprised my weight isn’t up either. But hey, I’m active. As long as I move my ass, I don't gain any more than I lose.

The house behind Lawrence is getting a new roof. Lawrence's house blocks the sound but the truck bringing in the supplies is ferociously loud. It would have woken me up had I been asleep.

Finally got to see Virginia yesterday. She was returning with a woman with a fried ponytail that I thought was Mrs. Claus at first. She introduced us and said that since she doesn't drive anymore, she stays with her for a few hours a day. I'm not sure if she's a friend or relative or what. I wasn't going to ask, of course, but fortunately she didn't mention moving or anything. She said she wondered if we packed up and took off somewhere. I told her the only reason I've been laying low was due to the virus and that was why I hadn't been to see her.

Another project - or at least the insanely loud vehicle used for it - that I'll have to listen to is them redoing the island. So I not only have to deal with projects themselves but every time they do a half-assed job, I have to deal with them fixing whatever they fucked up as well. We've always noticed that the cobblestones which are more like bricks in the island have never been cemented down after they were put down. They would rattle under the bike wheels and even when we would walk or run across them. When a car would roll over them it would almost sound like large dominoes clinking together. They only roped off one side so maybe that's the only side they're going to replace. Tom suspects someone got a popped tire because of it. I still don't understand why they didn't just pour one big smooth piece of concrete and fill the space with that.

Love how Duolingo now has speech testing in their lessons. It understood my Spanish, Italian and German but had trouble with my Portuguese since I'm not as experienced with that. I haven't tried the Dutch.

We discussed the pros and cons of flying vs. driving, but without knowing what’s going to be going on come April or May, it’s all a toss of a coin at this point.

Facebook really loves to invade our privacy and flag our activity to our friends, doesn't it? Now I'm getting notifications when a friend comments on a friend’s post. Why the fuck would they think we’d give a shit about that? I hate how I can't react or comment on anything public because I know it's going to be pointed out to my friends. Again, if I want to make something someone’s business, I’ll tell them myself! And of course, those who are really curious, can just run my name and add the word “comments” or whatever on Facebook. Again, I don't know why so many companies feel the need to point out everything a person does. If you're not looking into someone because you're dating them, are thinking of renting a place to them or hiring them for some job, then that usually leaves just one thing and it’s not very good either.

All my pony beads glow in the dark, but not all of them change colors in UV light, so I’ve learned, and are all mixed together in one big bag. Kinda sucks that the lazy bastards couldn't put them in two separate bags.

If Aly tells me to send the jewelry I'm going to surprise her with soon enough to her parents I'm going to be suspicious. Like really suspicious.

10/21/2020 Wednesday 2:46 p.m.

“Pretty sure an online friend knows about this account but why should I go private when you're the one who is notoriously nosy?”

That’s Aly’s latest tweet. So she’s either aware of my OD account or has hacked my PB account because no one’s that smart unless they’re unbelievably psychic. No one. I don't think she actively checks to see what accounts have been created with my email address but I think she does have a paid search subscription so that when she comes across any suspicious accounts she can check them to see what details are connected to it.

California is one of the few states that have programs to help seniors with large expenses like windows. If we stay here a little longer and he got a job that pays less than the insane amount of money he's been getting not working, we would qualify to get new windows put in and probably weatherstripping around the doors and a rebate on a new dryer and things like that to make the house more energy-efficient. However, we don't want to stick around longer than necessary. Even if the house was energy-efficient and it was dead quiet here, the space rent is still too expensive.

The ONLY way I would stay would be if we just couldn’t get out at all next year. That would be a sure sign it wasn’t meant to be, and I learned my lesson years ago about wasting time struggling for things that aren't in my cards.

Not surprisingly, since things rarely go our way and work out for us, the shower project was a bust. Apparently, they put clamps on the pipes so incredibly tight that he would have to cut out a portion of the wall to get to them and he's not sure that's worth it even if he already spent $75 on supplies for this project.

He also did more research on soundproofing and found that yes, a lot of the traffic noise is coming through the windows but even more of it is actually coming through the closet. The closet wall faces the traffic so that's what the sound bounces off of mostly. Furthermore, there's paneling on these walls which is much thinner than drywall and lets sound in easier.

It would still be smart to get a place closer to 20k rather than 40k because that extra money would allow us to do so much more as far as customizing the place. Meanwhile, if we want to go on a cruise or fly to the Galapagos, he could just work for a few months to get the extra money as he said. We agree that although it may cost about 5k, a sleep pod would be ideal for me for several reasons. It would not only eliminate the need for me to sleep with a sound machine altogether as it alone would even block inside sounds like him using the microwave and things like that, but it would also really help regulate temperature. Temperature is incredibly important to me when I sleep as the older I get the more sensitive to temperature fluctuations I become. Of course whatever’s up there cursing my sleep would just go and have me wake up more or something like that but at least noise would be eliminated.

Soundproofing the place itself won't get rid of the really big sounds but it should do away with everything else if it's done right. So that way I can live my life in peace and not have someone sawing across the street disrupt me from watching a movie or disrupt my concentration when I was writing. If we get into a park that doesn't allow pets or motorcycles and if we get off the street and out of a flight path, the only big sounds would be thunder as I can't believe there would be boom car stereos there.

A small place that's around 1000 square feet is actually just as appealing as a place that's 2000 square feet or more. That would be less space to have to dust which I hate doing and of course it would be less space to have to cool. Furthermore, it would be less to soundproof. What we're in now is considered large for a manufactured home, especially in comparison to those in parks in Florida. Not sure why, but most of them are much smaller there.

Forgot to mention that I quickly chatted with Mr. Twenties before my appointment the other day and they're both on statins. Seems to be a very common drug. Walmart fucked up (again) and their system accidentally canceled the refill request for levothyroxine that was put into my doctor, so we're still waiting on that. If I could actually keep a schedule and didn't skip periodically, I would have run out of pills a week ago.

I thought about it and decided to aim for having 1400 calories a day 6 days a week. I average 1300-1500 most days and sometimes I have a little less while other times a little more. But I want to be more consistent. If I go a little under, that's fine, but I only want to go over one day a week.

Had a less-than-thrilling dream where I was riding my bike on a hilly freeway somewhere when I experienced total brake failure. I was going close to 20 miles an hour and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop until I was going uphill. I woke up terrified because I knew it would be all downhill for a while and that it would take a miracle not to either lose control of the bike or get hit.

10/22/2020 Thursday 9:10 p.m.

The Caren Act is so typical of today’s world. It’s yet one more form of protection for blacks that others don’t have. Meanwhile, who protects those who, quite like me, have been legally race carded in the name of revenge? The Caren Act protects some but not all. Seriously, when will playing the race card ever be just as criminalized? The answer is likely never and people will still tell themselves whites are oh so privileged when that couldn't be further from the truth.

When I browsed people’s reactions to this so-called “act,” I was surprised to find how many people agreed with me. Usually, people are quick to side with minorities, but many seem to agree that it would be something that would be easy to abuse.

“She/he only called you cops cuz I’m not white!”

And with this “act” it’s like a double race card in a sense since it’s usually the blacks who are believed. First they can lie and say they were only called out on based on their race, then they can lie again and say they were called a racial slur when the real reason likely had nothing to do with race and everything to do with something they were doing that they shouldn’t have been doing. This is seriously one of the worst states for such acts too, because of the way they're often favored here. I'm surprised it's not in Arizona but I'm sure it will be soon enough as well as most states. Along with 50 other new protections whites will never have, of course.

I can definitely see where this is going to make whites afraid to report blacks. I've been afraid of the idea of reporting blacks for 20 years now (not that I've needed to, thank God) so how do you think I feel now? Well, I wouldn't even bother because I know that everything would be turned around and used against me no matter how innocent I was, and they would be the ones to be believed. But there are people that haven't been through what I've been through, so they don't know what shit awaits them until they learn the hard way. Those that haven't had reason to disown their family don’t understand how anyone could do that. Those who haven't experienced trauma to the point where they believed they were about to die can't understand that either. And those who haven’t experienced reverse discrimination don't have a clue about that unless it happens to them.

the injection site where I had my flu shot is finally losing its redness but there are still some purple hues. Never had such heavy discoloration after a flu shot before!

My pre-cancerous spot looks like a small red circle and almost like it could be a large bug bite. I have to remember not to scratch it when it itches otherwise it will ooze. Not to where it’s gross and dripping down my arm but I can feel wetness on my fingers if I'm not careful.

Decided to put studying Indonesian on hold for now because my heart just isn't in it. I don't have the memory I once had even if I'm not to the point where it's worrisome, but I can always go back to it later on if I want. I'm also going to put practicing Portuguese and Dutch on hold for now as well and just stick with my three top languages of Spanish, Italian and German.

Picked up some cooking tips from my buddy, laughed at her weather, and went out walking in shorts and a tank top. The temperature is coming down fast, though. I won't be laughing Sunday night! The heat should definitely be triggered within the next few nights. I didn't need to kick on the bedroom AC until late in the afternoon and I shouldn’t need it anymore tonight.

Once we got back to the house, I showered and fried myself some tilapia with peppers and onions and it was delicious! I'll fry a pork chop with more peppers and onions toward the end of my day.

The pharmacy was out of my preferred brand of thyroid pills (I guess it's the most popular) and it may be in tomorrow or as late as Monday. That's okay, I don't mind making a few skips because I've been getting a little wound up as my TSH drops back into the single digits. Single digits may be healthiest but they're not best for my mental health. Funny, though, because I skipped yesterday and was a little anxious for about an hour or two. Today I took my meds and I'm as calm as can be. LOL, go figure. I think, though, that the effects are delayed.

Made my private Twitter account public. I realize it could be recommended to any account of Aly's but if it is, it is. Meanwhile, I found a 10-minute temporary email account that works great. This way I can still confirm anything I need to verify but my name is never associated with the account. So I'll probably keep signing up for new OD accounts as long as they’ll let me.

I've been copying tweets each month to PB and Blogger but I think I'll stop doing that because if I want to look something up that happened, it would be easier to do it in my journal anyway. The private Twitter is just to share the highlights just for fun. That's the account I'll use if Android gets that voice tweet feature. I can do some voice tweets on the one I share with Aly as well, but I’ll mostly do those from my “Kristine McKenzie” account, a name I drew from a random name generator.

Made Aly another bracelet that I hope isn’t too small and that doesn’t fall apart. It came out nicely if I do say so myself. Gray seed beads with shots of pink and scattered purple bugle beads. Little does she know it will be pinned to my jewelry board on Pinterest where I’ll keep pics of all my pieces. I’ll have about 8 pieces for her next month. I want to send it sort of close to Christmas but not close enough to hit the Christmas rush.

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