My thoughts through living.
Ad 2:
2020-10-20 20:04:06 (UTC)


I have had problems in the past with dissociation but it would never be to hard to deal with or find a true reality. one case where i remember all at happened is when i thought i lived in a house in a graveyard for 2 years(that's living in the house, not thinking it for 2 years). now i just call it a dream since no one else remembers living in that house. something that did happen that i cant remember is walking out 10 miles, then realising its dark and calling my dad. I don't remember walking to where i was, just setting of to visit a friend, then being in the middle of a field. Luckily l know the forest that was near by and could tell my dad where I was.

this time I remember most of it but cant put it together but I'm also not sure it happened while being positive every event was real. I'm not even sure where I would start this but someone was in my room. He was sat on the chair I'm on now and just looked at me. there was nothing threatening about him, he just seemed familiar. I didn't ask him to move or leave, I just decided to sit on my bed and eventually fall asleep with him in my room. when I woke up he was gone but I could hear 2 people in my bathroom. whenever I tried to open the door they would scream so loud. I had to leave for a seminar but didn't want to lock them in my room. I left my keys on the side and went out. somehow i forgot i use a 24 hour clock and the time displayed on my laptop was 3:30 not 15:30, nor did i realise it was pitch black or the lack of people outside.

walking to the uni didn't take long but the doors wouldn't open. so i went back to my accommodation to find the door is locked and i have no key. i knocked and no one answered. all this now im use sure happened btu beyond that, i cant comprehend anything but can only verify its happening. the guy from inside my room was next to me and wanted me to follow him throught to the next floors. it seemed lik the floores could go on forever. we stopped and went thought some doors and i lost him. some girl then pushed me into a small room and said "your a bit tall" then we talked about something(i cant remember) and she left. i stayed in there fo rwhat seemed liek months untill i eventually got out and was back at my apartment door.

i though i could go to the apparent directory to get a spare key so i went to where i got my first key. the door wasnt opened and a letter was on the front. i couldn't read the letter some reason but later found out it said closed. to the side of the door was a room with lights on. i went over to the window and saw 3 people in there. i knocked on the door and got no response. the lady closest to the window bent down. i think she was supposed to be messing with a plant pot or fixing a computer. i was there for a while, periodically knocking on the window until a van pulled in the the front of the building and 2 guys walked towards me. they were were either police or security. one of them was talking to me first in an attacking nature. im sure its used to get peopel to say what their doing with as little time to think as possible. I told them my situation and they seemed to understand.

when talking to the guy he said I seem spaced out which I said was just me and when I said I was looking to see if I could get a spare key, they said the place was closed and the place wasn't where accommodation was based. apparently there wasnt any people in that building. they made sure i was who i said and had a key to let me back in. I think the moment i got back in I fell asleep. on waking up I saw the walls beating and shrinking. I went to the door to leave bout could hear heavy breathign from the other side. without seeign what was at the other end, i imagined a minitour type beast.

Since them i contacted mental health support and am again going to early intervention, a group that is supposed to test if someone is in the early state of psychosis. the last time i saw they wasn't long ago and they said i dont have anything they could pick up on the test but there is obviously something wrong and i need to find the right help. i don't expect much.