Nala Toph

Written Thoughts
2020-10-16 00:31:39 (UTC)

I’m sorry?

Asked my dad to sign in on the Xbox 360 that I’m setting up in my sister’s room so she had games to play. A lot of games were purchased under his profile when we were little kids and some needed to be re-downloaded. It’s 11 o’clock at night when I asked and he got agitated about that. So I walked away thinking we can just deal with it later. Well he stumbles on in with a grumpy attitude to do as I asked. He goes “come knocking at my door at 11 o’clock at night for a password when I’m already doing something” in a tone that I wasn’t sure if it was sarcastic and playful or completely agitated and piss off. Which I don’t know how he managed that but unless you heard that tone from someone else you realLy have no idea. I tried looking for facial expressions for a clue but i saw eyes of disappointment and a mouth that didn’t seemed pleased nor upset so I’m still confused. So I said I’m sorry and he looks at me and goes, “No you’re not! You know how many times I wanted you to be sorry for something but got nothing?” I just remained silent. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about or what his deal was. Part of me wanted to ask “like what?” Or “name one time” and Part of me wanted to just beat the crap out of him... most of my thoughts about my dad involve killing him and not caring as everyone freaks out. At the end of the day though I usually forgive him and love him the next day. I wish I didn’t get these thoughts because I’m scared he’s going to strike a nerve at the wrong time. Even if I hadn’t been sorry for the crap he wanted me to, that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry now. My sister told me not to take anything personally and dad just had a rough day. I fan understand that... phone service not letting you use your phone and deactivating your SIM card while your fake tooth got broken from biting down on a bone definitely isn’t what I would call a good day. I just do what I normally do. Not care about his emotions, because it hurts to deal with him sometimes. God i want to punch him sometimes...