The weird life

My life
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2020-10-13 22:10:55 (UTC)

I dont know where i am

Stay at home mum. Go on,, let the stereotypes slap you in the face. No. I'm much more then that. 22 years old, married and have already had my first baby. I have a bigger story then what people think. Drugs alcohol and sex when i was 13, going on benders, finding God and going through an insane amount of foster homes. No family, no brothers or sisters, no one for me except for god. flipped through family to family. Post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar, panic attacks, self harm, depression, post partum depression and mental instability, all reaching to this point in my life. Finally healed, healthy. I have a daughter and a husband that loves me. I'm sitting on my couch in the house that we own together while my baby sleeps in her room. My husband, a partner in a family business is at work and sending me texts telling me he loves me. So why am i sitting here, feeling like im breathing in the stale air of contentedness. I'm blank. Maybe its because after everything ive been through with my first baby, being away from her and being so sick, im scared of what happens now. im scared of the fact that im pregnant again. I don't know what i truly think or feel about it yet. Maybe my subconcious is hiding from me to protect my baby from my depression that lingers in the background. I wish there was someone around that had the same view as me. What is my next step? what is my life? What does god think of me right now?


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