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me and my life
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2020-10-12 08:02:33 (UTC)

Regrets, Resentment, & Miserability

Its been almost one year that all my posts are so negative and all sad but this is what my life has become. I have nothing to be happy about at all. I have no way to go, I have no one who can makes me happy, I have nothing to wait for, i have no hopes left, i have no money, no love life, no social life, no happiness and no purpose left for anything. I'm scared to dream good, to think good to do anything. there is a constant fear of failing again. I don't think that even god likes me. I have tried all my luck and ways to get things better but everything is just failing, I'm tired I have no way out. I have to withdraw my pension also. I have been just cribbing and crying over everything in life.
I regret on buying car in spite of being proud of it, I regret dating V, I regret of not having serious good education, I want to go back but unfortunately have no that option. My heart aches to see people, no I dnt envy them I just feel sad that if they can get then why cant I??? Why is everything so hard for me?? Why V left me, why is it so difficult for me to get job? why I have no happiness in life?? my heartaches. I have been for my family all these months have no time for anything and also cant do anything coz of Corona.
Yesterday, I messaged V doing bahana abt my car documents I wanted him o talk with me but, he dint he just answered the questions but he dint ask abt me. my heart breaks 1000 times when I don't get what I expect from him, not much just him to ask abt me. how am I? What am I doing? no matter how many times i said not to still ask me baby I miss you terribly, I may get someone who will love me more or less than you but no one like you. with you it was different i felt own. I feel so miserable to see all happy with their partners except me. i know ill get a guy but you and I were different, that time, relation was so fucking good. I know you are pained too but everything was in your hand and you did everything you dint stood by us for which i may never forget but i have forgiven you because i thinks its our destiny.
mom is unwell from past 1 month Sugar weakness now severe weakness and fissure, I feel sad for her I know she will be fine soon. we came back from sisters place yesterday, dad really irritated us, mom couldn't have good time as she was unwell. everything in life is messed up, everything is vain such a bad time. bad time bad phase i guess whatever i do wil become bad.

I dont know when this will end. god please give me strength to surpass this.


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