Ad 2:
2020-10-11 20:00:17 (UTC)

Tired of This Life

I wish i was never born, i wish i can die the next moment. I don't want to live here, i want to run away from here .These thoughts are always hovering in my mind. I can't help myself to not to think like this, i know I'm not that troubled for which there is no solutions, but i really can't help it.
There are many people who want to live a longer life, want to cherish there life while there are some people like me who are eagerly waiting to die. I wish if there was something like exchanging life i will surely exchange my life for the person who wants to live, because i really can't find any desire to live. Everything seems so bleak, it's not that I'm suffering too much. It's just that i don't want to be a burden on my parents. I want to achieve many things, to live my life independently, to do everything which is important for me, but i can't do it. I'm not able to find anything. I'm just too stupid and lazy and useless who can't do anything right.
I'm a quick witted person but why my reactions are so slow. I'm always fantasizing about my future to do everything but in present I'm not doing anything to have the future like my dreams. I really want to go on a mountaineering trip, i want to see the view from the top of the mountains, to know how it feels to get closer to the sky.
There are people who are really miserable and suffering still they are strong, how they do that. My problems are not that much it's that I'm always overthinking and i might be exaggerating them a bit, because subconsciously for every person their problems are the biggest and it is the fact for me mine are the biggest but for an onlooker it might not be that big. I'm living in a good condition, my family is also good as i live in a joint family so in a while there will be a fights but who doesn't fight if there are so many people there will be misunderstandings. Sometimes i wish if i can clear there thoughts about each other and they can live happily, but it's not possible, I'm not able to do so. It's alright it can't be changed until or unless they wish to change.
I'm studying in a good college and there are many good people also around me, but still it's suffocating to live on.
I really want to change me to make myself useful so that i can repay the kindness and care the people around me provided, but i can't motivate myself to do that. Everyday I'm just living like a person who doesn't have any emotion and really i started to not to feel anything, doing everything which is asked me to do.
It's really making me to overthink everything, my fears are getting bigger and bigger and here I'm who just want to lie on the bed and do nothing. I hate myself for being like this but i'm not doing anything to change. I'm not strong enough.