Experienced Life
2020-10-07 14:12:55 (UTC)

Well crap!! I'm not as strong minded as I thought 🥺

So I wake up today feeling pretty considering. Then it go messed up. I check my social media stuff and I get FB memories. Even Amazon seems to want to get into the act and post past memory pics. Well what the hell? So FB first. I get pics of the kiddos from 8 yrs ago in their costumes. Yeah... ok, I can handle that. Then I forgot that it was Oct when I was with my ex gf and stuff from those dates 3 yrs ago popped up. Effity effe effe. So that's two. One I can handle but nope, two daggers had to come and stick me. It's not like My neck surgery isn't being a pain in the ass right now so yeah...didn't need that. Next, I go to my Amazon account and monkey around. Checking my orders, setting it up to play Van Halen via my Amazon music subscription and then in pops in Amazon photo memory crap. It was of Blue Faye. I forgot I met her around a year ago and this month is when it got hot and heavy. We took pics and some were in bed. Nothing pervy. Just of us sitting up goofing around or us laying side by side next to each other smiling. Well God damn it!! As if I needed to see crap like that.

I know how to self improve. Sure, I read and learned a lot but it doesn't mean I'm immune to having it shoved into my face. So I have to admit, I'm not as improved as I thought or at least I know I still have some more improving to do. I have no excuses. I know how I'm supposed to feel. It should be like when I was dating in High school or the skating rink where I at one time thought I was so madly in love. Fast forward to now, I can smile and have can just be thankful for the experience of growing up and how these were just fun memories of that past but no longing or regrets about anything. It was just a moment in life that I experienced. No harm no foul and that's what I should be feeling with these memories. I should just be able to smile and be thankful that I experienced, learned, and had some fun too at time with them. But nope, it kinda hit me a little. So there you go. I'm not such a badass as I thought.

I can wait to get the green light to be able to hit the gym again. I'm gonna go push myself even harder when I get back. It it sort of bittersweet too when your gym friends post stuff saying they miss me and the silliness and energy I bring to the class. It's driving me nuts!! All I can do is quietly try to eat right, take my gym supplements and keep healing which of course seems like it's taking forever right now.

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