strawberrycheesedanish

:) here i am this is me
2020-09-24 00:50:13 (UTC)

9/23/2020

i didnt get out of bed until like 2:30pm today so i could get ready and go to work. and i really do not like those kind of days. when all i do is wake up and go to work and then by the time i get home theres only a couple hours before midnight and i should be in bed. i cried in bed today because i heard my dads voice and how happy he seemed but hasnt spoken to me in over a week. it hurts me it really does. i was thinking about how much i miss him (although we live together) and then i couldnt stop crying on my way to work. i know its only for now but its sad that this is even where we are. and im not going to give him the reaction that he wants, this whole silent treatment thing is selfish. and thats how it started anyway, from not thinking of anybody but himself. it breaks my heart that he doesn't really think of me as an individual person with their own thoughts, opinions, desires, and passions. but rather, i am his "honor", and i am to behave only the way he's decided for me. or wants to decide for me at least. and thats the problem, thats where we collide. i am not one to ask for permission to simply be myself. its awfully silly. and what hurts even more is there is no reaching ground with him, its either what he wants or nothing at all. and that means absolutely nothing at all, the way it is now. where we can walk right past eachother in the upstairs hallway, even make eye contact and he wont say a word.
9:08pm ahhh a client came out and saw me crying that was weird oopsies




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