LustingforNightmares

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2020-09-22 05:15:36 (UTC)

some night (morning) thoughts

"Know the Way" by Grimes

September 22, 2020 Tuesday 5:17 AM

Makes sense that as soon as I graduate to a sitting position, I begin to feel tired. I have tried to sleep, but maybe for not long enough. I think Maria was right to warn me against eating sugar before going to bed. And anyway, I'm breaking out from all the sweets (we've had a lot of cake since Matt's and Maria's birthdays are only 4 days apart and they were last weekish). I didn't really eat sugar when I was at home, and that was probably better for me, honestly. I mean, it was definitely better for me. Not that it helped with my sleep. My sleep, in general, is always bad.

It has been better since I've been taking melatonin most nights. You're not supposed to take melatonin for more than 4ish days in a row, but it really helps me fall asleep. Tonight, I got in bed around 1 in the morning and tried falling asleep past 3, but my body is resistant. Normally, I guess this wouldn't be that big an issue, but I do have a class at 9 AM which means I need to be up in less than 3 hours to be ready.

I feel okay. I've been feeling better, only mild angst. I have a lot of drifting-across thoughts, mostly about my inferiority, which is something I really need to work on. I think today will be very hard, because I get really moody when I'm this low on sleep. I am going to try to read "The Waves" by Virginia Woolf now, because I need to be finished with it by Thursday. It's really good and very beautiful. It takes some brain power to follow, though.

I'm not sure if I hope to fall asleep or if I pray for the strength to make it through my classes tomorrow... and all of my homework... I mean, sleeping 2 hours will give me some energy, but I worry I won't get up for class and I kind of really need to.

All right, here I go. C ya.


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