Subtropical Lady

Where Pelicans Fly
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2020-09-30 00:30:52 (UTC)

September 2020 (3)

9/21/2020 Sunday 11:12 p.m.

This month has been the worst for my anxiety so far this year and I have no idea why. Just like half a decade ago, I'm asking the same damn questions. Hormonal? Medication? Because I've got labs and a doctor's appointment coming up next month? I'm guessing it's a combination of the three but there are some things about the medication that don't make sense. Like how I could go 11 weeks without having to skip, but this time it’s only been about a month.

I skipped this morning too, but I still feel wound up so something else is going on. If it's hormone-related, how many more fucking years is this going to go on? I guess I'm going to have to accept the fact that I’m going to suffer on and off for the rest of my life. I'll probably not eat for the last few hours of my day and take my medication tonight. No sense in letting my TSH rise too much if I'm still going to feel anxious anyway.

Speaking of suffering, I was watching a heartbreaking YouTube video about this older couple in which the husband was dying of cancer. My heart broke for the woman who had to accept that her husband was never coming home again, and it broke even more for the guy who appeared to be suffering and in so much pain. It burns me up to know that people are so inhumane when it comes to other people, yet they'll do anything to alleviate the suffering of a dog. Yes, dogs get treated better than humans more often than not. I still don't understand why there isn’t a Death with Dignity Act nationwide. Why let so many people suffer so needlessly? I just don't get that. If I was that woman and that was my husband, and if the doctors and nurses wouldn't do anything for him, I swear I’d yank the pillow from under his head and smother him with it to put him out of his misery if that's what I had to do.

Naturally, every time I feel the faintest of cramps down there, I worry about the possibility of uterine cancer. I definitely have risk factors for it too. If I was ever told I had terminal cancer I would kill myself the next day. Why let myself go through such extreme pain and suffering with doctors and nurses that refuse to help me? I know that they don't get to decide the laws and all that but how could you not want to do the right thing if you saw someone suffering like that? If the law said we all had to jump off a bridge, would we do that? No, of course not. Sometimes you have to do what's right. Not what any crazy law says.

The good thing is that other than occasional light cramps and those spots I caught, I really don't have symptoms of uterine cancer, although I would think most of the ones I read wouldn't happen until it was pretty advanced. I hate to even think of the immense pain one must endure dying of cancer in such a sensitive area! Any cancer would be painful to die from. But I would think uterine, stomach and lung cancer would be some of the worst. “Do no harm” is something doctors swear by and consider their lifelong motto but allowing a terminally ill patient to suffer unnecessarily to such a degree IS doing harm.

Anyway, I've tried everything to help myself and nothing I've done so far has ever helped when I'm really feeling anxious. Not Stacey's tapping, drinking, praying to a God that likely doesn't exist, pressing acupuncture points, nothing. I'm not OMG-I-want-to-die kind of anxious but it's bad enough at times. Took a children's Benadryl to see if that helps because even if it makes me drowsy, it shouldn't knock me out this early in my day.

Even though it does seem to help with energy, I think I'll take a break from my multivitamin for a while just to see if there's a connection.

I couldn't find anything to suggest Ashkenazi women have whackier hormones than others, but I'll definitely ask my doctor next month how late in life one could have hormonal fluctuations that can make you anxious. I'm still hot flashing as well, especially when it's warm, and we've definitely been warm. In the 80s and 90s. We went out walking at 77° and it had only dropped to 75° by the time we got back.

Anyway, I'm trying not to dwell on anxiety, what-ifs, death, dying and suffering and all that dark shit.

My weight fell into the low end of what Fitbit said it would. I'm going to keep logging and monitoring calories even though I don't expect to lose any more than a pound or two because it's a great way to ensure that I don't gain. It's looking less and less likely that I'll ever have to worry about that so that's nice to know. He’s lost 7 pounds so far.

We registered to vote. It was easy for him because he has a driver's license, so he didn't have to print anything out. I had to print and sign a form and mail it in. We're both going to vote by mail even though Biden’s gonna win this state easily.

Tom said he felt a twinge of sadness when he saw Bob in Virginia's SUV drive by, but Bob and Virginia weren’t in it. A woman and a man were in it instead. We're guessing she gave it to one of her kids and their spouse. It would be great if they moved in there and will take over the house and remain there after Virginia is gone. All their kids certainly have to the old enough to live here by now. I doubt it, though. I still wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the house went on the market by the end of the year. She can't live alone, and I don't know that her kids are in a position to just take over the house.

When it comes to our future house, I've always been a modern fanatic. But I've learned that if you can't afford anything within 3 years old, then older is better because then you can really customize it to your tastes. If you get something that’s semi-modern, it may be harder to modernize because it just wouldn't be as feasible to remove countertops that are only 10 to 15 years old and not exactly in bad shape for something you find more attractive. I really want to see the house, wherever it ends up being, as a work of art and really make it what we want it to be from top to bottom. I don't want someone's acceptable enough flooring or carpet. I want our own. It's what we're going to have to live in for the rest of our lives so we may as well go all out to really make it ours.

Since this has turned out to be a practice house, he's going to see if he can replace the shower faucet in the second bedroom because it's so fucked up. As I told him, if it turns out to be easier than he thought, he'll wish he did it seven years ago. If it's harder, then that's all the more reason to go for a full upgrade and leave it to the pros in the future.

The Benadryl does seem to be having a calming effect on me but from what I've read, it won't last more than a few days of using the product. Yeah, all good things really do come to an end, and a hell of a lot quicker than the bad things do. I’m a touch drowsy but that’s fine. I don't have anything I need to do that's physical for the rest of my day.

9/23/2020 Wednesday 12:30 a.m.

We got a letter from the park saying that there was a homeless camp set up in the green belt between a part of the park and a regular neighborhood called Cripple Creek and that there was nothing they could do about it because that land wasn't owned by anyone. They did add coils of razor wire along the base and tops of the fence that surrounds the RV parking lot because they were breaking in there and stealing things.

Good thing we didn't get the house at the end of Daisy then! I always said that would be the best location in the park but not with a bunch of bums within arm’s reach. So that brief but definite whiff of cigarette smoke I caught as I was walking by the RVs early one morning wasn't my imagination. I knew it was a strange time and location to be smelling cigarette smoke. Bet it was from one of the homeless people and they had to have been inside the RV parking lot and close to where I was walking because strong nose or not, there's no way it would have wafted over to me from the creek itself.

Tom and I agreed that neither of us would go out alone after dark (we like to work out together anyway). If we were alone, we're in pretty good shape and could probably handle one of them. But certainly not groups of them even though I've never actually seen anyone hanging around the park at night, not that I’m looking out the windows at that time either. I may only step out to dump trash but that’s it.

I'll never doubt Dixie again, though! She swears they're also in the golf course and that they’ve lurked about her place a number of times.

I'm glad to say that I'm not only perfectly calm today so far but for the first time ever, I found something that takes the anxiety away... Children's Benadryl. Ah, but according to what I read, this will only work a few times and then it will stop having that effect. So much for thinking it wouldn’t knock me out, though, because it did. I ended up napping for an hour, but I love taking naps, especially at night when it's quieter. I seldom am able to nap, though, even when I'm tired.

In one day my weight went from 155.2 to 156.6 even though I've been sticking to the Fitbit plan. It's no surprise, though. I just don't lose weight. My body has to be holding onto the weight for a reason, though, and I can only guess it's due to my thyroid. No biggie, though.

9/24/2020 Thursday 1 a.m.

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and on the way to and from there, as we passed Cripple Creek, I looked into the greenbelt but didn't see any signs of life at all. So there are either not that many of them or they’re deep within the brush and well hidden.

At the store, I got lentil chips, a case of Moscato, and a case of Zinfandel.

Aly gave me a hint of where she's living, saying she was close to a zoo, and I guessed South 13th Street because she mentioned traffic noise and it appeared to be a busy street from what Google Maps showed me. She said I was close. She's actually on Vinton Street close to 10th Street in downtown Omaha. I've narrowed it down to two possible blocks she's living on and while it would be nice to see pictures inside and out, I'm really not that curious. I don't have anything to send her at the moment so it's not like I need her exact address. If I wanted to surprise her with whatever I could send it to her parents. She and Cam will be moving out around Halloween and into a new place in Elkhorn.

My last two polls received answers I would expect from Aly. However, they didn't come at the same time. In fact, one of them came while she was working, and she made like it was very inconvenient to go online from there. I guess not being there full-time means she doesn't have as much in the way of breaks, but I wouldn't think it would be impossible either, so I don't know. If it wasn't her and it wasn't random, someone else is following me that knows what I look like because, in one of the polls, I asked if they thought my hair looked better shorter or longer if they knew what I looked like.

Marie? Molly? Someone else? I am connected to a couple of PBers there, but I don't know if they've ever seen pictures of me. If they have, I would think it would only be with shoulder-length hair because that's what I've had for a while now.

So much for hanging up the tracking for a while. I'm too addicted to doing that. It's fun. Predictable usually, but fun.

Aly asked if I had nightmares when using Calms Forte as she does. I don't remember if I took it when I had the nightmare about being alone and broke but I took it last night and the only dream I remember was moving into my first childhood home that was next to my maternal grandparents. My grandparents were still alive and still living next door, too. I walked up to the side of their place and peeked into a window that doesn't really exist and could see into the living room. Sunlight shone through from the front of the house and I knew they weren’t home. I figured they were at their place of business. Their place of business, whatever that was, was just as big as their home and I thought to myself in the dream, wow, that's a lot of space for just two people.

9/25/2020 Friday 1:53 a.m.

Guess who's signing in on an anxious note? Sure wish Tom was right in thinking it's hormonal and that it will go away for good someday but after half a decade, I have no reason to think it will. I could take Children's Benadryl now and maybe get rid of it, but I would prefer to go walking in a few hours as opposed to napping and feeling groggy. Yeah, that's the problem with things that help with anxiety. They eventually stop helping and they make you tired. So that's why I haven't sought treatment from a new psychiatrist. I know there's such a thing as hormonal therapy but I wouldn't know where to begin with that and don't want to be spending more time and especially more money on appointments and medications that may or may not work and that also may or may not backfire on me in a bad way.

I forgot to say that a few days ago, Tom said two or three motorcycles that were really loud came blasting through as I was sleeping. It's a miracle they didn't wake me up but maybe they didn't go by the bedroom. They could have entered the circle from the other direction. It would still be pretty loud, though, so adding brown noise on Alexa was a smart idea I should have done from the get-go. It's just that we didn't get her until 2015. Either way. We WILL have a quiet place someday. I’m done with noisy places and that shit definitely stops here with this place.

No problem taking Calms Forte and no problem from what I can see with my schedule for labs on the 5th and Doc A on the 19th. I don't know yet about my appointments in February and March but fortunately, I'll get some time off from having to worry about that.

I'll not only have to have Doc A look at the spot on my upper arm that's a few inches above the elbow, but I now have one on the shoulder as well. I've had at least half a dozen of these and they usually heal on their own. I don't know if they have the potential to be serious or not. When you get older, things start showing up on your skin, so I don't know.

Did my nails earlier and what a god-awful brand MWellew is! They're not only way too big for me but just a pain in the ass to work with. It definitely seems that the lighter-colored sparkly ones are easier to see through. These aren't transparent but more like opaque so they're still acceptable. They don't look bad, just not great. They go from light blue to light green to light pink but since I cut my nails, I mostly only see pink on my thumbs. It really is easier working with nail strips that come on a sheet instead of individual nails that are attached to a strip. They're easier to size up attached to strips but harder to peel and work with in general.

So no more MW, Maity’s or Girzzur. Tailaimei, Augoog and Wokoto are the best so far.

Had a dream I had to pee so bad but every time I would park my ass on the toilet, my bladder refused to let go of its golden goodies.

So do I have a new stalker or not? It's really weird. She started off with an account called one name on PB and we had some very pleasant exchanges. Then, always checking newcomers, I noticed she created another account called another name. There she left an entry saying that account was for comments and that she liked to read about other people's lives because she thought hers was boring. I asked why she needed to keep changing accounts to do that and asked if she was the one from the first account, explaining that I have a tracker that said she was in Reno, Nevada. She admitted she was. Then she got rid of that account and came back with some other name which I noticed she blocked me on. From my other account, I could tell it was her. Out of curiosity, I asked her why and if she was running from something or trying to hide for some reason. She said she wouldn't tell me if she was and although I seriously didn't mean to piss her off, I guess my little prank of surprising her from my other account did because after informing me that I needed help and that she didn't appreciate the block breach, she said she reported me and blocked me again.

Then she created an account which I promptly blocked. Sure enough, she created another account but this time I decided not to block her because I'm curious as to what her game is. I did privately give J a heads-up as to what was going on. Anytime someone keeps creating and deleting accounts they're usually up to no good. Not saying she's literally going to stalk me on PB much less anywhere else but just in case, people now know what's going on. If she simply wants to read me, then there's no harm in that, and I won't contact her again on any of her accounts.

I saw her note to J before she deleted the account asking if it was against the TOS for her to block someone just to have them create new accounts to contact her from. Well, I didn't “create” them. They've existed for some time now. I just don’t use them. Funny how she reports me for “block breaching” when she's doing the same thing to me. But fine. If all she wants to do is read, let her read. If there was just one person I wouldn't want to see it no matter how remote the possibility of that seemed, I wouldn't even have something set to members only let alone public.

9/26/2020 Saturday 2:03 a.m.

Yesterday was a totally shitty day with anxiety. I also felt a little depressed and frustrated. Mostly just anxious and frustrated. So much for thinking I'd finally beaten it. I eventually took half a Benadryl so it wouldn't knock me out, but it didn't do anything for my anxiety. Then I took the other half and while it didn't knock me out, it still didn't help much. And of course, I'm still at a total loss as to just what all the culprits could be. He thinks it's a combination of things like me stressing over my upcoming appointments and hormonal and that a fresh start in Florida will really do me good. I know I have some terrifying memories attached to this house but nah, it's mine for life whatever it’s caused by. Whether it's a combination of the above causes or a medical disorder I acquired, it's never going away completely. Just like I've had to do this last half a decade since it began, I have to know and accept this whether I like it or not. It's a part of me just like my ear/TMJ is, my weight, and other things I've had to make peace with. Driving myself crazy over what can't be changed would be as futile and as pointless as these protesters marching to change pigs that will never change. They are the law. Like it or not, right or wrong, they can make or break it at will. Always has been that way, always will be. So why lower yourself to harming innocent people, spreading the virus, and disrupting so many things just to change nothing but perhaps how people see you, and not for the better?

Anyway, since I'll probably feel like shit in another five hours or so since it still tends to kick in towards the middle of my day, I'm just enjoying the calm while it lasts. It's nice and quiet too. I still hear some loud vehicles in the daytime and the daily buzz of landscaping. Can't wait to get away from that shit in Florida although I do expect I'll still hear plenty of power tools, projects, and motorcycles, especially before we get land. The only places I would be willing to put up with noise is no place we could ever afford and that's on some kind of peninsula or island.

Last night I was thinking, oh no! I better send the termites those journal excerpts now so I don't have to worry about the in-state thing which is why the black bitch couldn't get me in Auburn as hard as she no doubt tried to and why it was easy for her to seek legal revenge on me in Maricopa being that we were still in the state.

But then I said, nah. Nothing I ever have or will send them will be even remotely illegal not to mention the fact that I've learned to ignore subpoenas should I ever get one for whatever. I would still rather wait until she can't get postal mail to us, even though I understand the pigs could find out where we were any time they wanted.

I started to wonder if Alyssa hasn't changed her profile picture in over a year because of me but when I was combing through her public stuff, I saw that she did go a couple of years one time. I think that as a doctor, she just doesn’t have much time for social media and even less once she added a kid to the scene. Still guessing she’s never read/listened to any of my messages other than maybe the first few. Then I was probably put on ignore.

Got that swai fish I wanted to try, and I really like it. Too bad it's not so good for you like most things we like. Yeah, the more we like something, the worse it is for us. It has a nice soft buttery texture that melts right in your mouth.

We went out walking yesterday morning and will probably do the same today. First I gotta hit the shower and get the laundry going.

9/27/2020 Sunday 4 a.m.

I've never been one to be afraid to voice my thoughts and opinions. In doing so I’ve found that those that accept me as I am stick around and those that don't take off, leaving me with the people that truly matter. With that being said I'll just say that if what they say about Amy Coney is true, I really hope she doesn’t end up taking Ginsburg’s place! It isn’t what she believes. It’s what she may do with those beliefs that have me a little concerned. If you’re a hater that wants to control people and strip women of their rights, then you shouldn't be in a position of power.

I'll never get one’s hatred for their own kind. Okay, I can see having ill feelings toward the opposite sex if you don't like the way they tend to behave and because it's easy to hate (or at least not like) what we don't get and can't relate to. But how can a woman hate other women? So much that she would gladly strip them of their bodily rights if she could and from making personal choices that should be up to her only?

Kind of tired today because I only slept for 5 hours. We're both going to take a day off from working out which is good to do a couple of times a week anyway. We saw one skunk yesterday, but it skittered across the street and out of sight.

My right eye had a blurry spot that flickered for about 20 minutes yesterday. I'm not sure why, though but that has happened before. I wasn't in a bad mood of any kind so who knows? I also didn't have any anxiety yesterday, yet I have no idea why any more than I can be sure why I sometimes do. Still think there are likely many factors because unfortunately, the world just isn't as black and white as we might sometimes wish it was. Sure would make some things easier if it was but it's often hard to tell what's what.

I've been asked what my answers were on some of my polls. The few in particular are whether or not I believe there's an afterlife, nothing, reincarnation or anything else.

I don't know. I honestly don't. I'd like to think there's nothing because this life is enough, and that theory makes the most sense scientifically. I'd say the least likely is reincarnation because of the way our experiences and memories are so much a part of what makes us who we are. If you don't have the pathway to those memories, then it really isn't “you.”

My favorite wines are Merlot, Zinfandel, Moscato, Rosé, and Pinot Grigio.

With few exceptions, I'm mostly anti-friend-mixing because I found that that can cause problems and leave one feeling awkward if you have a falling-out with a mutual friend.

No, I don't think there's anything wrong with being choosy about who we’re friends with. Everybody has preferences for everything. We have different foods we like and dislike, different movies, different music, different colors, so why not different personalities? I think it's okay to not want a particular friend because of any particular trait whether it's something most people would avoid or that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all since there are plenty of others who will accept them. As they say, there are other fish in the sea, and I believe this applies to friendships as well as relationships.

I mostly admire those who are sound of mind, intelligent, honest, and with a good sense of humor. If you're dishonest, contradictory, overly emotional and easily offended by every little thing, I’ll likely avoid you.

I continued tracking because I was curious to see if that strange person in Reno returned or not. I didn't see her yesterday at all on my tracker and figured she either left PB or was hiding. But then I saw her and found a message from her apologizing for “going stupid,” and insisting she's honestly not obsessed with me, and I apologized for my part. I shouldn't have pulled the prank I pulled, and I definitely went stupid myself, LOL. So I guess all is well there. :-)

9/28/2020 Monday 5 a.m.

I should change yesterday's “overly emotional” to “moody” when I was describing character traits that turn me off. If you lose a loved one, for example, of course you're going to be overly moody. It’s people with intense and regular mood swings that are beyond the norm that gets to me.

Ended up getting my usual half-hour of exercise yesterday. I just did it on the skier instead of going out. It's just that I hate to sit still for too long, tired or not.

The fucking park was having a concert as they tend to a few times a year but fortunately, we couldn't hear it inside the house. What a stupid, dumbass thing to do with the virus still going around and over a million global deaths now. I'm sure there were some people wearing masks but who knows if they kept a good enough distance from each other.

I'm appalled that England is protesting their lockdown and calling COVID-19 a hoax. I may not be the brightest person on Earth but it never ceases to amaze me just how stupid so many people are. I'm seriously embarrassed for and by those dumb enough to believe it’s a hoax. Because people really have nothing better to do than to create some fake virus so people can be stuck at home and can fuck up the economy, right?

Another anxiety-free day. I don't know why but I know I appreciate it. For a while, I was wondering if Sutter Home wines had anything to do with it because it started around the time, I decided to try them. I'm glad they don't, though, because I like them better than Barefoot except for their version of merlot. Barefoot's merlot is sharper, I guess would be the appropriate word to describe it, so I like theirs better. Even though that's one of my favorites, I'm staying away from it for the sake of not staining my teeth.

When we get groceries delivered, I'm going to be trying individual ACV shots with turmeric and honey that I can just drop right into my bottles of sparkling water without having to measure anything. It's a little more expensive this way but I'm curious to try it at least once.

Saw these really cool-looking toothbrushes on Amazon but I'm not going to try them until we get settled. I have a child-size mouth and they have these kids’ dental trays that have brushes in them that automatically brush the teeth on both sides at once. They also have dual-headed brushes I may also try. As a tech fanatic, I love to try new technology and ways of doing things.

Since we took it easy yesterday, today is going to be the day we try to tackle the old shower in the second bathroom and see how hard it is to switch out.

The freeway is loud this morning so I wouldn't be surprised if the planes were annoying as well. No place is 100% perfect nor 100% imperfect, but we will have a quieter place someday. We will.

It was my turn to have a Calms Forte nightmare. A young woman in her early twenties or so was chasing me with a knife for some reason. I ran toward a busy street with lots of traffic and tried to get someone to stop and help me. It seemed no one wanted to intervene, but a bus did slow down long enough for the guy driving to yell at me to get out of traffic. The dream ended there and then it was off to dream about hearing sawing and hammering every morning at 4 AM. I don't know where we were living but it turned out to be a young woman who made crafts that she sold. They were these little figurines. I don't know if she lived attached to us or just near us.

“Do you do this every morning?” I asked, and I wasn't the least bit thrilled to learn she did.

The rest of the dreams weren't enough to make sense of. I'm not as tired today since I slept longer but I sure woke up a lot. Twice I got up to pee and I woke up a few other times as well.

It smells a little smokey out there now. When it’s mild it’s actually pleasant and reminds me of incense.

“Those who see the world and the people within it as all black and white (all good or all evil) are doomed to never see the beauty that shades of gray can bring.”

Aly tweeted this on her other Twitter account and right away I suspected it was because I made some negative tweets in regard to people's stupidity and my lack of faith in anything up there actually giving a shit about people.

She messaged me about trying to keep busy and not dwell on a few things. Then she edited out the part about dwelling on things and I wondered if it was because she remembered that I hate it when people are vague like that or if she decided she didn’t want me asking about it.

She later tweeted, “Reminding myself that giving people power over my emotions does me no good. My open mind is a good thing.”

She was home alone all day yesterday, so someone pissed her off. Not sure if it was me or someone else but you know what? If it's me she’s talking about and she doesn't have the balls to come out and say so, then that's her problem. Is it really me, though, or am I just being paranoid? *shrugs* I'm not a mind-reader so I can't say for sure. I can only say that if she doesn't have it in her to step forward if she's got any problem with me, then she deserves whatever negative emotions she's feeling. That's the thing about her, though; she is a bit of an emotional person. Okay, so maybe more than a bit. She's definitely more sensitive for my comfort but I’ve dealt with much worse.

When I first got up, I noticed I couldn't access her Twitter account and I thought Damn! She figured out that I know about the account and deleted it. Turns out she just changed handles, so she was definitely online yesterday even though I didn’t hear from her anywhere.

Molly tweeted something about finding it interesting that some people block her when she hasn't been on Twitter much. I wonder if she thinks Aly blocked her.

Aly sometimes has days where she doesn’t check in with me and today is my turn to skip a day after being very consistent. IDK, I still adore her as a friend and all that. It’s just that there’s this underlying sense of dishonesty I’m sensing, and she has been known to lie enough times in the past. I sense she holds back on too many things when I’m supposed to be a close enough friend that she should be able to confide in just like I’ve shared many things with her.

Fitbit says I should be down to at least 154.8 but instead I'm 155.8, up about half a pound from last week. Again, what should work for most people doesn't always apply to those with certain medical conditions. Goes to prove I wasn't imagining it when different types of diets I’d try would fail. Nor are those that also claim their bodies don’t respond to diet and exercise kidding. The only two noticeable problems I have with being and remaining this way are that it makes running harder and affects my range of mobility. But these things haven’t killed me yet. Besides, I’m nearly 55, not 25. I’ll log my food for one more week, then just focus on keeping active. That much I can do.

9/29/2020 Tuesday 9:48 a.m.

Been having an interesting day full of adventures. We went out walking at the crack of dawn and then I threw a swai fillet in the oven as we set out to change the pig's cage while it cooked.

However, things took longer than planned since he went out to find maggots all over the garbage bin for the second time.

“Ugh, I'm a fucking idiot at times!” I told him, LOL. I forgot to spray the bin like I do every week.

So he had to stop and take care of that.

I was trimming Rockefeller’s nails when I noticed a wet spot at the base of the dishwasher. My first thought was that the dishwasher was leaking but I hadn't done dishes in a couple of days. That's when it hit me that it was the sink. So I opened the cabinet under the sink and found the pipe had detached from a joint.

Referring to the guy who came to fix our clogged drain I said, “Damn that dumb cock for not tightening the drain!”

“No, it was me,” Tom said.

So his idiot wife has been busting his ass all morning about him being that “dumb cock.” LOL, he should have been checking the pipe more often and I should have sprayed. He may get a rubber gasket to seal it with if he doesn’t just place a block of some kind beneath it. A rubber gasket would probably work well. That’s what seals the door of our front loader.

Then, it was a damn good thing we decided to run out to Rite Aid after dealing with the maggots and leak because after being distracted by those things, he saw that he forgot he had the water running in front. Water was running down the street, and had we not gone out, the water would have probably ended up damn near wrapping around the circle until someone knocked on the door to alert us to it.

Got a couple of single-serve bottles of merlot by Barefoot and a case of Sutter Home's white zinfandel and rosé, each with four small bottles. Haven't tried Sutter's version of rosé yet.

I was surprised when someone said they were envious that I can enjoy wine freely because one glass puts them in a bad mood or makes them sleepy and wake up groggy. It doesn't put me in a bad mood or cause me to wake up groggy, but it does sometimes make me sleepy. I would definitely never drink a glass of wine before I knew I was going to work out, go out anywhere, or tackle household chores.

I totally see what Fitbit means when they suggest mixing things up and having more calories than usual once a week since the body gets used to having the same amount. I thought I was having between 1500-2000 cals a day before I started tracking, and maybe I was when I was going into menopause because a woman is pretty hungry at that time. But it taught me that I range between 1100-1500 with 1300 being my average. Yesterday, however, I binged big time on both healthy food and not. Once a month, if even that, I hit around 2000 calories. Yesterday, I must have had 2300-2400. I ate a lot but mostly high-calorie foods. It's amazing I didn't feel sick or get heartburn or anything like that. My heart never raced due to all the sugar or anything.

Anyway, the point is that I totally expected to be up a pound or two for stuffing the shit out of myself like I did but nope. I'm up just two-tenths of a pound. I’ll indulge once a week or so. It's fun to do every now and then and to get stuff I don't normally get. All those chocolate-covered cherries were divine! I'm just glad I'm not as hungry as I was before periods were due or when I was in perimenopause. Now I can eat fewer calories. Not few enough to lose weight but enough to keep from gaining.

Most days I will start off with a small avocado and either a kiddy yogurt or cottage cheese. Then I'll have two meals during the day that consists of one piece of meat (chicken, pork, fish) and veggies. In between, I snack on veggies, grapes or berries. Sometimes I might add something like soup. I try to really limit my processed food intake. I won't let myself have more than one processed meal a day whether it's a can of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni, a frozen dinner, etc.

Those ACV shots with turmeric and honey are absolutely horrible! Definitely not getting those again. I'll just pour a dab into my sparkly waters from a bottle of unfiltered ACV. It's much cheaper that way anyway.

Yesterday, I had mild pains in my chest and back but I'm guessing it was either due to the smoke (today is clear) or I pulled a muscle on the Bowflex.

The shower project is delayed because he found he needed additional parts that he ordered. They won’t be here for a little over a week, though.

I'm now officially registered to vote! And no, I'm not doing jury duty. I swear anytime I get calls for that is when I wish I'd never been vindicated.

Sipping the rosé now. Meh. A little on the dry side and there’s a tang to it I don’t really care for.

Didn't ignore Aly yesterday even though I had planned to. I noticed she messaged me when she should be in school, so I asked why she was home. Apparently, the virus hit her class. She got tested yesterday but doesn't think she has the virus. I hope not! Anyway, now she's teaching via Zoom.

9/30/2020 Wednesday 9:12 a.m.

A site that had one of his email addresses and a certain password connected to it was breached so we went and changed any account associated with that password regardless of the email connected to it.

Yesterday I had a sore throat for several hours but whatever it was is gone now.

Went back to Duolingo and started dabbling in their Indonesian course. I only took a couple of lessons so far, but it seems fairly straightforward enough. They sure make their plurals easy by simply repeating the word.

After I drank some wine yesterday, I started to feel a touch anxious even though it was short-lived and began to wonder if maybe there was a connection after all. I did read that one of the things that can cause anxiety is alcohol along with caffeine and other things. I'll be sure to drink closer to bedtime when I do.

I'm both surprised and appalled by Florida lifting all their restrictions simply because they ran out of patience waiting for a vaccine. So you get tired of having to wear masks, stay home, social distance and then you say, WTF? I give up. Then go about life as if all is wonderful and normal? Well, we’re not quite there yet so when their death count rises, hopefully they'll go back to using their brains and wait for a vaccine. Hopefully, there are some people smart enough not to give up wearing masks no matter what restrictions may be lifted.

Had some fun dreams for a change but I don’t remember much of them. Just having a couple of rats living loose in the house that ran up to me eager for attention when I got home one evening from wherever. I picked up a tan-colored one and cuddled and kissed it before going to feed them.


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