Aeryn Sun

Uncharted Territories
2020-09-18 13:36:19 (UTC)

Distance and Time

Still not over Magic, though I now have a new distraction that is helping....slightly. Only problem is, you know, the usual...he's of course unavailable to me. He's my...boss....but oh so HOOOOOTTTTTT. He's tall, super fit (spends like 2hrs/day at the gym and I couldn't take my eyes off his bulging muscles today), nice, fun personality. If we were stationed in Incirlik together and he wasn't my boss, I could see us hooking up. He's my age too. But yea, my boss. Why does the Universe like dangling eye candy in front of me only to tease?!

But this entry was meant to be about Magic, about how I'd finally found someone who made me want to forget the distance and time to be with them. I could finally see myself in a long distance relationship; like waiting 3-4 months to see the person didn't seem that long b/c the time in between was filled with phone and video chats that keep me feeling such a high. And then it was so rudely taken away from me. I can't even say that we could possibly get back to that point. It's like we had fallen into a trance then abruptly pulled out, never to find that same feeling again. It's not like he's the one to open me up to being cool w/ a long distance relationship, b/c I'll still be reluctant to enter one. He was unique and I don't think these feelings will transfer over to another. So Universe, no lesson learned here!

If he still showed the same pre-Covid interest, I could wait through the distance and time. And that's hard for someone like me, who is constantly crushing on someone. I guess I'd really fallen in love with him. I actually saw a future. A future that will probably never be b/c frankly, I'm tired. Tired of being the only one pushing to maintain what we had.

New goal: Get a different job @ my 2 yr mark so that new boss becomes available to me! :D




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