༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
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2020-09-17 05:06:10 (UTC)

🛣Every Road leads🛣.......

Every road leads somewhere
To challenges that forge our soul
To temptations that make us weak
To joys beyond measure
To blessings that run deep
To places where we feel safe to sleep
To graces that rain down on us from up above
And stay in our hearts to keep.

I made that post this morning on my Facebook along with a beautiful picture of the road. The beautiful fall leaves and colors.

I had to post that. I struggled last night.
He, tried to argue and fight, and I quickly reminded him, I’m not your ex.s, I will not fight and argue.
He is extremely bitter.
He helps so many people but can’t find a soul to help him.
He is getting rid (so he claims) of his precious dog who is 2 years old and truly not house broken.
But, I’m sorry, I still see the blessings in front of him.
He made the comment..... “it’s your life, I don’t care”.....I said ok Indio, and got silent.
I was delusional, I thought, it was our life. I was rudely mistaken.
That’s ok. I’m human. I make mistakes. I won’t let it beat me down.

My life, is not simple.
I live in a run down shack, that’s not exactly healthy, but it’s home. I make the best of it. I’m thankful I have a roof over my head.
I, am laid off work, on medical leave, and have zero income coming in, yes, not a penny.
I drained my bank account dry.
I have no clue, what to do.
But, I continue to have faith somehow.

He is, an able working human, alone, the ex’s raise the kids he seldom sees. He makes, decent money, I say decent because he spends 100$ minimum going out to eat 5 days a week. That, is something I can’t do. I can’t go buy a happy meal from mc Donald’s. I can’t afford a 2$ loaf of bread. I go without eating every other day. I do, make sure my kid has food.

Indio, doesn’t have that added stress. I’ve been homeless before, with 5 kids. We lived under bridges, in cars, etc. life has a way of bringing us to realities.

All I can do, is try to be here, without putting myself in a situation where I drop to a dangerous level.
I believe, there is a plan, for everything.
My views on the plan will be different than others.
But I personally, think the higher power is telling him, to fix his life.
He was blessed with a good woman in his life, in order to keep good things in life, you need to stay humble, work hard, and not take things for granted.

Despite my struggles, I have the reality in my heart, all this may have to go. But, I’ve started over from scratch soo many times, I know, I have the will power to do it again.

I chatted with Riverman for the first time in months. We talked scriptures, about life, it was nice. It was needed.
He seems to think I’m some beautiful soul.
I’m honest, I’m twisted.
I’m human.
I have this way of showing the world (in view) that I have everything together. Sadly, I don’t.

I dress like I have money. I did when we were homeless. It’s called “master at hiding”
Only thing I can not hide, is the sadness in my eyes.
No matter what, I’m sad. No matter the joys, I’m sad.

It’s ok tho. I’m healing.
There’s a lifetime of hurt I stuffed over the years and still do.

One day, I will love myself. I will be beyond beautiful.

I have yet to grab my coffee, and Snapchatting DD1, first time in 4 months. He always makes me smile, even when I’m hurting internally. I do, love him, no matter what. He is, a blessing in my life. I’m blessed to have 2 beautiful friends that I know I can call if I absolutely needed the hand to help me.
DD1, and DD3.

But, I need coffee.....

Ps.....my bitter ex, tried telling him, he rode a bicycle to here to come get his car. Such a crock of shit. The cameras show he was dropped off. Such a dick.
I will write more on that after my coffee