god i love getting my feelings hurt
i really like to wish that my ..
i really like to wish that my life is going fine. i mean it is i got a new job and i dont start freshman year of college until oct 26 and im dating a really pretty boy who makes me happy and supports me. but you know what no im not happy. because i was supposed to be going to csu bakersfield this fall to get away from my toxic household but gave it up because i doubted myself. they're not wrong when they say that the only person holding you back is yourself. you know i dont really like drunk leslie. shes depressing and boring and thinks negatively. but anyways the way i see doors open in front of me but never go through them because im filled with so many doubts about myself. i wished i didnt compare myself to everyone, i wished i can be here thanking whatever motivation i had to go to community college but no because im better than that. theres nothing wrong with a community but i know i cant do better and its so sad how i dont see that sometimes. i want to believe in my self and think that i can do anything i put my mind to do but theres only so much i can lie to myself about. i wished i was mentally stable so i wouldnt have to get cross faded pn a tuesday night thinking of all my failures instead of my successes because i dont know what praise is and was never taught it, and then post i online for a bunch og strangers to see. this is so pathetic omg, im so pathetic that strangers message me through this website how sorry they feel for me. and then im like no its okay im fine when clearly im going through it. i thought adulthood would be simple you know but it turns out thats only for rich white people who know who they are.