༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
Ad 2:
2020-09-13 09:47:34 (UTC)

Morning headache

Still battling a serious headache.
I’m assuming, he did what he wanted last night.
I remember going to bed dressed, tired, in pain, but woke up an hour ago, made coffee (430 now) and I was not fully dressed.
It burns me up he does this.
Makes me feel like he is selfish.
Nothing I can do tho.

His precious little dog did her usual.
We had words, I didn’t yell and scream, but tried to stand my point, I don’t want dog urine in my carpet, you never fully get it out. He doesn’t see the issue.
Told me, I’m partly the reason he is getting rid of her.....
Pissed me off.
I sat there, silent, like I normally do when I get angry.
He tried to hold my hand during the movie, and asked if I was going to hold his hand and stay mad at him.
I said I wasn’t mad, hurt.
Ended up pushing everything aside, held his hand, tried to enjoy the rest of the movie, and stuffed it all in like I do best.

I haven’t been on my social apps. Been in pain.
My right side, the muscles in my shoulder and down my back are all swollen and puffy, like pulled muscles. It’s the fibromyalgia acting up. All the rain for the past week and 50 degree weather has been kicking my ass hard core.

Most days I take 3 hits 3 times daily. Think 3 days outa this week I ended up just sleeping through the complete days and nights.
The pain gets so bad sometimes, yes, I want to end it.
I don’t tho. I keep trying to push through.

I must say, it’s exciting that football season is back. Feels good to sit and watch the games. Place my weekly bets, (not money, but cool twists with some friends and loved ones)

Have watched a few of the Stanley cup hockey matches. My second favorite sport.

It’s 5am, his alarm is going off.

Means he will be semi awake while I try and update my thoughts and mess into my journal.

It’s 52 degrees out and he had to cut the damn air conditioner on all night. Again, selfish. Not thinking how much Sheldon and I struggle.
He has to have a fan going he says, I have the ceiling fan going but that’s not enough. I asked how do we keep it from not freezing in the winter......
Another battle I will push down and stuff.

I know, nothing will change in this relationship. I doubt we will progress. We will never agree on how things should go later down the road.
It’s ok tho.
I, am, getting better, stronger emotionally a little at a time.

My therapist wants to start doing moret tramawork tho. I’m not sure I’m completely ready, but will run with it in baby steps.

Anywa, going to take a few morning hits, grab something for my headache and try to get another few hours of restin, then hit the war in my state of survival game, and he will be leaving by 11.....then I can relax, pop on some football and clean house.

I will update again soon. Just have to get my body used to the weather changes and find a way to push through it.

Much love to all 🌹