middle age Womt
Happy Birthday to myself
I'm 38 years old
I ask myself who I should be at this age ? it seems like half of my life is gone.
What has happen to me?
I browse my facebook, no one knows it's my birthday. I have hidden the date.
I am nobody, i dont have much friends.nobody remembers me i dont have a career. I'm not a mum , I am poor, I have a family who perhaps look down on me.
I have a husband which I serve him like a king and many would says one day your king will sent you to the cold palace and you have noting.
I felt lost and helpless , my birthday month is always the month I have to pay alot of debts
I have chosen the path to comit my time and my youth 24/7 faithfully for this man of my life for 18 years.
there are period which I thought i may find my own path but i didnt . there are times when i thought i can excel by not just helping him in business but to excel in doing it as well but I fail.
There are only more challenges and I grew to have very bad panic attack.
my panic attack leaves me no choice but to hide behind and do only supporting work.
For a thousand times, I imagine I got a stable job and live in my own private house have my own private space.
or maybe I got my own kids where I proudly shows in my facebook there are my everything.
my wish is so simple yet seems so hard to acheive.
so who am i? i dont even know....
I'm just like a shadow, following this person whom I chose, till one day i disappear and no one will knows my existence.