Experienced Life
2020-09-09 02:03:56 (UTC)

Chat/Dinner with Jenny 😋

Ok, so I didn't give much thought to my self improvement tonight. When Jenny came by, she brought a pizza. Wasn't sure if she was gonna hang around but she had the option to do so so we did. Pizza and wine. lol Ate and drank a lot. So I was out after she left. We did discuss a few things though.

I told her what I did last night and the effects it's already starting to do to the people I cut off. She agrees with me. I did tell her some of my worries/fears that I was working on and how it hit me especially since I'm stuck at home. Not due to covid but due to the surgery.

And to be honest, CA is all mucked up right now. Rolling power outages to prevent fires due to high winds. High temperatures in the 100s. Multiple fires everywhere. The skies look like it's cloudy and it's about to rain but it's the smoke from fires everywhere. Crazy people blaming politics going nuts. So yeah, poop is hitting the fan here in CA and I guess everywhere but I'm still here.

So I know my head was still on straight but I did have to tell her. We discussed each other's finances and how it'd be nice if our future or current partner in crime had the same income. Life would be so much better. Great vacations. Boats, trailers, etc, etc, all would be attainable. Owning a home with a two income family? Holy cow!!! How nice that would be. But nope. Here I am, making pretty good money, pretty much wasting it renting a 3 bed 2 bath home. Paying bills all solo so it did come up where I said the dream person that I had thought my ex gf Tara was would have been perfect. She made decent money in the $80Ks three yrs ago. I was making about $105K maybe? Now if I wasn't sick, I'd be in about $110K and if Covid didn't hit, $115K. My ex gf would have had an increase too and that dream that was financial stability went out the window when she and I split. No, I don't miss her but I do miss the dream of someone to have been able to have shared that lifestyle with.

Jenny told me about her online dates too and thanked me when I sent Heidi's bf to go check on her when her phone died. I was gonna but it was not gonna be good because I was thinking the worse. Found out, I did Jenny a favor because she found out that that dude made her dinner and that part was fine. She said she checked out the garage and it was a makeshift living area. Found out that her date lived in the garage and he had two other roommates living on the other bedrooms. This guy is 51 yrs old living in a garage with 2 roomies. Ok, not harping on people down on their luck but Jenny makes about $140K a year if I were to guess working at intel. Only because I sent Heidi to go look for Jenny was this found out. The dude was sleeping and his roommates had to go wake him up. BTW, Jenny still feels like crap for letting her phone die and she locked herself out of the house by accident. She's the one that left me a msg saying she will be at a date at this guys address and if I can't reach her in a few hrs, something is wrong. So so so so lucky I was not physically able to go. I have enough firearms to protect myself and a small tribe. lol

Anyway, She says she is dating another guy too but he's very busy and seems not to want to connect with her as much. I told her it's early so she needs to chill. She also said I won't like it but she is still seeing that loser paloozer guy that just hangs out on her sofa, gets drunk and has not financial future. He has a back diseases where it's bent and I told her if she is ready to be pushing him around on a wheelchair in the future. I know life is not predictable but he has no savings, no retirement, no medical, and not a lot of income. So it's not a good choice. She of course talks about the sex and I told her if the sex wasn't good, would she be ok with the rest of their relationship? She says yes but not convincingly. I told her the truth on what I thought. I told her she may be afraid of growing old and being by herself. She admits it's a fear she has. She asks what happens if she get sick? She's a single Mom. She still has two kids to raise. So yes, there is that fear.

I got a good heaping of that when I had this surgery. This one was bad. Not like last year. This was debilitated all my nerves. It effected my walking. Last year, they just did two disc replacements on my neck and fixed the numbing and shoulder pain issues on certain fingers but on both hands. My walking was fine. My muscles were intact because they did it thought the front.

But this latest one? Holy moly it hurt. They really went and cleaned out my neck bones to let all my nerves have the clearance it needs. Well, all nerves they say would be swollen and my back muscles will be cut and pulled open. Sounded like a plan but oh crap. I had a hard time walking. I still fear sleeping in bed because right now, only the lazyboy seems to let me sleep at the right angle. Tried it on bed once and my first Sister that visited had to help me up and I swear I almost screamed in agony from the glass shard in my neck feeling. I was so close to asking her to call 911. That's how bad it hurt. I've tried it a few times since and it's not so bad now but the fear is still there so I sleep maybe 30 min on the bed just to see.

It's funny I don't think I mentioned this but there is this big Asian market and my 2nd Sister is into that kind of food. So I took her there or she actually drove me thee and I just gave her directions to get there. As I was walking around, two employees were there. Nice guys but they came and asked if I needed one of those electric scooter things. Oh hell no!! I was gracious and thankful that they asked and at the same time, my man card rules said to sock them in the face. haha. But I did look lame holding on to he cane my friend loaned me as my Sister was having some fun shopping for whatever she wanted. Like my first Sister, I gave her my credit card to buy whatever it is she needed while here. I told Jenny this story and I made her laugh. I also told her that I don't bump into the hallway walls anymore when going to the bathroom. She was here so she knew how my hallway isn't really that long and laughed again.

Jenny did use the restroom and panicked on the way back. She said she heard someone in the bedroom where my loony-roomie used to be and it freaked her out bringing back bad memories. My turn to laugh and told her no, that's my Sister hanging out giving me some privacy I guess. But Jenny felt bad because she was the one that suggested me to help loony-roomie in the first place. Nope, that's all done now. All that's remains of her here is a couple grand in cash that I have stashed in case a friend is in need of cash ASAP and need's it now.

Although I'm over it, I also told Jenny about how it sucks to be temporarily be invisible. She says how when I didn't look like I gained any weight? I said, sure at the moment, I have my neck brace off and not walking. Wait till you see me in action outside like a lame duck using the cane as a must-have-or-fall-on-the-ground look. But these are just reviews of my thoughts from a few weeks ago so she understands.

I know I will be back in action at the gym eventually and be back in visible form again. People will once again ask me what's in my shopping cart, people will chat about bullcrap stuff in the elevator with me and I won't have to initiate conversations everytime. However, not yet. For now, I'm invisible for now. It doesn't help when you aren't working out and the happy juices aren't flowing in my body.

I'm extending my oxy intake too. It used to be 2 pills every 4 hrs and I'd be in pain 3 hrs. Then the took that away and gave me Norco and I was supposed to take 2 pills every 6 hrs and I'd feel the pain in 4 hrs. Now, I can take 2 pills every 12 hrs and feel it in about 11 hrs and even then, the pain is bearable. So today, by accident, I stretched it to 16 hrs only because I fell asleep after pizza and wine with Jenny. Starting tomorrow, I'll cut it down to one pill every 6 hrs and see how that feels.

Anyway, I now what to to and I just got to go out and do it. A little patience is what I need because I suck at waiting. The world is out there waiting for us. I you don't like what's happening in your life, it's all up to you to change it to make it better. I've seen some posts here on the site depresses about the same things. Some of them for years now but what have they don't to make it better? Nada!!!! It won't come to you. You gotta go out and get it. That's why my intentions are. I'm a fighter! Not gonna let a little major surgery, Covid, CA fires, people going nuts, slow me down. I got this :)

More detailed plans later. I just hung out with Jenny too long tonight so we sort of just rehashed our issues and gave each other some pep talk. I did show her my new real ID and the old ID I had. She even said "Wow, you a handsome dude in this new pic, the old pic looked like you had no neck and no mojo!". She was just playing of course but yeah, I showed it to my Facebook Gym group and that got a lot of likes too. I'm still so grateful on what that gym gave me. Health, happiness, and friends. This is from a gym. Funny huh?

I even got a Facebook reminder today of my 27 to 30 sessions on my first what we called "6 week challenge". Lose 20 lbs in 6 weeks. Mandatory 30 sessions to attend and follow their eating guidelines. Three meals and 3 snacks a day. That was tough because at times, I'd be eating breakfast with my eyes closed because I needed follow the guidelines set for us. But you know what happened? I lost 3.5 lbs the first week. Another 3.5 the 2nd and on and on till the 6 weeks was over. I lost altogether 22 lbs in 6 weeks. I of course ended up joining the gym on a yearly contract and kept losing the weight till I finally leveled out at 160 lbs. So for a couple of years I guess I've been at 155-160 lbs. Post covid, I've been at 165 lbs. Oh well.

So yeah, life has it's ups and downs. I got my down and I forgot how to set motivate myself. I became my worse critic again and this is stuff I should already know better.

The only thing that is still lingering a little is that being alone while sick sort of sucks. Got my Sisters to helps to that's nice but I wish maybe I had that special someone instead and having maybe my partner in crime with me in lieu of my Sisters. But hey, I did just say it's all up to me to change the situation if I'm not happy with what I have so... to be continued. :) Happy days are coming :)

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